Written By: Unusere Precious

You’re scrolling through your gallery and a photo stops you. A birthday picture, matching outfits and even messages. You pause. Smile. Then it aches. Because the person in the photo, once a friend, is now just a memory.

“No fight. No closure. Just silence. Everyone just moved on”.

While romantic breakups come with tears, long talks, and a playlist full of Adele or Burna Boy, friendship breakups are rarely acknowledged. People expect you to move on, no questions asked.

But how do you move on from someone who knew your childhood dreams, your family secrets, your worst days and your proudest moments?

We talk about broken hearts when love fails, but rarely about the slow grief of losing a friend. So here’s the real question:

Why don’t we talk about how much it hurts to lose a friend?

WHY FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS HURT DIFFERENTLY

Friendships are the quiet foundations of our lives. Friends are the people that witness our most awkward phases, our biggest dreams, our late-night heartbreaks. They don’t just walk beside us, they shape who we become. That’s why when a friendship ends, it can feel like losing a piece of yourself.

Photo Credit: Cup of Jo - Google image.

Friendship breakups are surprisingly common, with research indicating that up to 70% of close friendships and 52% of social networks dissolve as the years roll by.

Unlike romantic relationships, which the African society allows space to mourn, friendship breakups are brushed aside as if they’re less valid. But the emotional intimacy in friendships runs deep and when it ends, there’s rarely a breakup talk, no explanations just drifting, silence, or sudden ghosting.

The hardest part? It often ends without a reason. One day you’re everything to each other, and the next, you’re strangers with shared memories. And that absence, that lack of closure, can linger far longer than expected quietly, deeply, and painfully.

SILENCE AROUND PLATONIC LOSS

A platonic relationship is one in which two people share a close bond but do not have a sexual relationship. They may even feel love for each other, referred to as platonic love.

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When a romantic relationship ends, society gives you room to grieve. But when a friendship falls apart, there’s mostly silence. No one asks if you’re okay. There are no cultural scripts for mourning a platonic bond.

In many African societies, friendships are rarely seen as relationships that carry deep emotional weight. The cultural spotlight shines brighter on family ties, marriage, and romantic pursuits. Friendships are often viewed as disposable, optional, or circumstantial. So when they break down, the emotional fallout is often minimized or worse, ignored entirely.

This silence creates a dangerous emotional gap. People suffer quietly, unsure if their sadness is valid. They scroll through old photos, reread messages, remember laughter and feel foolish for missing someone they were “just friends” with and then they come out acting like they don't care “but they do”.

“Friendship grief is real. And it deserves to be named, seen, and respected”.

COMMON REASONS FRIENDSHIPS END

Friendships don’t always end with a dramatic fallout. Sometimes, it’s slow, an unanswered text here, a missed call there. Other times, it’s sharp, marked by betrayal. But beneath the surface, there are often clear patterns that explain why friendships fade or fracture.

Photo Credit: Psychology Today - Google image

One major reason is misaligned growth. As people evolve, so do their priorities, values, and worldviews. A friend who once felt like home may no longer understand your goals, boundaries, or lifestyle.

Betrayal, whether through gossip, disloyalty, or broken trust, it can create deep emotional wounds that are hard to heal. Sometimes, it's not even about the act itself, but the silence that follows, the refusal to acknowledge the hurt.

There’s also emotional labor imbalance, when one person gives more, checks in more, forgives more, and carries the friendship’s weight. Over time, that imbalance breeds resentment, especially when it's never addressed.

Finally, some friendships dissolve due to unspoken struggles, mental health battles, unhealed trauma, poor communication, or simply not knowing how to show up for each other. Sometimes, there’s no villain, just distance and poor communication skills. And that, too, can hurt just as much.

THE INVISIBLE IMPACT: MENTAL HEALTH & IDENTITY

Friendship breakups often leave wounds that are invisible but profound. When a close friendship ends, it’s not just the person you lose—it’s the shared routines, inside jokes, safe spaces, and emotional anchor that once kept you steady. For many, the absence feels like a hole in their identity.

The grief can trigger mental health challenges like anxiety and depression , especially when the loss is sudden or unexplained. A friend you once called in crisis or laughed with on hard days is no longer there, and the emotional withdrawal can feel like being left out in the cold with no closure.

For some, the experience reactivates abandonment trauma, especially if they’ve faced previous losses or rejection. Questions like “Was it my fault?” or “Am I hard to love?” begin to echo in the mind, leading to self-blame and emotional withdrawal.

Friendship loss doesn’t just end a relationship—it can fracture your sense of self. And because society doesn’t fully acknowledge the pain, many people suffer in silence, not knowing how to grieve someone who’s still alive.

HOW TO COPE WITH FRIEND BREAKUPS

Here are some steps you can take to heal and move forward after a friend breakup:

• Grieve

Allow yourself to grieve the loss. it's important to let yourself feel these emotions without judgment.

• Reflect on Gratitude and Loss

Acknowledging the good times can help you appreciate the relationship for what it was, and it can also help you let go with a sense of peace.

• Evaluate the Friendship

Identify what did and didn’t work for you in the friendship.

• Clarify Your Values

Think about what you value most in a friendship. Knowing your core values can help you build stronger, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

• Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to lean on other friends, family, or a therapist for support.

• Embrace New Opportunities

Open yourself up to new experiences and friendships.

FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS AMONG WOMEN VS MEN

Friendship breakups affect everyone but the emotional fallout is often shaped by gendered socialization.

For many African women, close friendships are deeply emotional, intimate, and affirming. These bonds often serve as emotional lifelines, safe spaces to cry, vent, dream, and grow. When such a friendship ends, it can feel like a divorce complete with grief, confusion, and even guilt. Women may talk about it more, cry over it, or process the pain through long voice notes or journaling.

African Men, on the other hand, are often raised with fewer emotional outlets and are discouraged from expressing vulnerability. Their friendships may be less verbal but still deeply significant rooted in shared experience, loyalty, and presence. When those bonds break, many men are left without the tools to grieve. They internalize the pain, bury it under silence, or mask it with detachment.

Both experiences are valid, but the silence around male friendship loss is even more deafening. It reinforces the dangerous idea that men must remain emotionally invulnerable, even in loss

REBUILDING AFTER A FRIENDSHIP ENDS

The end of a friendship can feel like an emotional disaster; sudden, confusing, and deeply painful. But just like any heartbreak, healing is possible.

Start with acceptance. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and letting go doesn’t erase the love, memories, or joy shared. Sometimes, people outgrow each other. Sometimes, distance or hurt creates a gap too wide to bridge. And that’s okay.

Photo Credit: Google Image.

Therapy or talking to a trusted person can help untangle the emotions and find clarity. Journaling can also be a powerful way to process grief, name feelings, and reflect on lessons.

Make room for new connections, but more importantly, make space to understand yourself better. What did that friendship teach you about loyalty, boundaries, or communication? What do you need in future relationships?

Most of all, set healthier boundaries going forward. Learn to spot emotional imbalance early. Know when you’re giving too much or staying silent too often. “Healing doesn’t mean building walls—it means building wiser bridges”.

CONCLUSION: Grief, Growth, and Grace

Friendship breakups are often the wounds we carry in silence, the heartbreaks without flowers, without goodbye texts, without a name for the pain. But the loss of a friend can cut just as deep, especially when that person held your secrets, dreams, and seasons of life.

It’s time we give language to platonic grief, validate it, and honour its emotional weight. Healing from a friendship breakup isn’t about bitterness or blame, it’s about allowing yourself to mourn, to grow, and to make peace with the ending.

So whether it ended in silence, betrayal, or simply time, you are allowed to grieve it. And when you’re ready, you’re also allowed to open your heart again with better boundaries and deeper self-awareness.

“Just because it wasn’t romantic doesn’t mean it didn’t break your heart”.

Written By: Unusere Precious