Familiar Lies Nigerians Tell at Reunion Parties

Whenever Nigerians gather to reconnect after years apart, there is usually plenty to catch up on.

Apart from the silent competition to look the best and wear expensive clothes, people want to know who is married, who has relocated, who is doing well financially, who has started a business and who is still in touch with old friends.

School reunions for example are interesting occasions. People who once shared classrooms, borrowed pens, copied assignments and waited impatiently for closing time suddenly find themselves catching up after five, 10 or even 20 years.

There are questions about old teachers, classmates who have lost touch, people who have relocated and those whose lives have taken unexpected turns.

But somewhere between the greetings, introductions and catching-up conversations, the stories people tell about their lives get a little polishing.

Here are some of the familiar statements you might hear at a Nigerian reunion party.

1. “I'm into business.”

Not fashion, not logistics, not food, not technology. Just business.

Ask for a little more detail, and suddenly you're hearing about investments, partnerships, expansion plans and opportunities.

You may still leave without knowing exactly what the business does, but one thing is clear: you're speaking to an entrepreneur.

Whether the business has an office, employees or customers is a conversation for another day.

2. “Let's do lunch next week. I'll call you.”

The reunion has barely ended, but lunch appointments are already being scheduled. People who haven't spoken in 12 years are suddenly making plans to meet next Wednesday.

Everyone sounds enthusiastic.

Numbers are exchanged, promises are made and hugs follow. Next week comes, however, and nobody calls and even the reunion group chat goes quiet.

Perhaps the next reunion will provide another opportunity to renew the appointment.

3. “I can connect you to someone. Come and see me at the office.”

There is always the mysterious contact who is supposedly one phone call away from solving everything.

Need a job? They know someone.

Looking for a business opportunity? They have a contact.

Trying to meet an influential person? Just come to the office.

The interesting part is that the connection can sound so close that you begin to wonder why you haven't been introduced already. Still, you collect the number, promise to follow up and leave with renewed hope.

4. “I don't really use social media.”

This particular person somehow knows that one classmate recently got married, another relocated to Canada, someone bought a new car and somebody else just got promoted.

They may not post pictures or update their status, but they seem remarkably well-informed about everybody's affairs.

They have simply mastered the art of keeping up without being seen and this is just their way of telling you that they are too busy working and hustling and have no time for mediocrity.

5. “We should start something together.”

Reunions can produce business partnerships at an impressive rate.

Two people can exchange a few ideas, remember how well they worked together on a school project and decide that the time has come to build something.

One person suggests importing goods, another mentions real estate, and before long, they are discussing how much money they could make together.

The excitement is genuine, the handshake is firm and the future looks promising.

But then, the next week comes and both partners return to their separate lives.

6. “I work with an international organisation.”

This is another impressive update.

It sounds good, especially when everyone is taking turns explaining what they have been doing.

This person is not exactly lying, they have simply left out the most important details. The contract may be temporary, the role may be part-time, or the work may be a short-term remote engagement.

But what matters? The announcement has already made its impression.

7. “I travel a lot for work.”

One international work trip can become a surprisingly busy travel history when narrated at a reunion.

There are stories about airports, hotels, meetings and the places work has taken them. And while the person may indeed have travelled for work, the frequency can sometimes sound a little more impressive than the actual itinerary.

You might even begin wondering whether they have a permanent seat on an international flight.

8. “Money is not really my problem.”

A bold statement from someone who is quietly calculating transport fare home. No long talk, let's leave it like that.

9. “Life is just there, God will help me jhare.”

This one deserves special recognition. It usually comes from someone who has everything mapped out.

There's a vision board, a five-year plan, a business expansion strategy, names selected for children who haven't been born and even a preferred country for retirement.

The person has probably planned what their life should look like in 2050.

Apparently, even the person who has planned everything down to their retirement location is leaving it all in God's hands.

10. “We'll organise another one soon.”

. After hours of catching up, taking photographs, eating, laughing and exchanging contacts, everyone agrees that another gathering should happen soon.

Someone may even volunteer to coordinate it. Others promise to contribute money, help with the venue or take charge of planning.

The enthusiasm is wonderful.

The only problem is that the reunion everyone has just attended may have taken years to organise.

By the time another one is seriously discussed, the group chat might have gone quiet, and everyone will be waiting for somebody else to take the lead.

Perhaps the next reunion will finally be the one that happens on schedule.

At the end of the day, reunions are about reconnecting with people who were part of an important chapter of our lives.

Some people have done remarkably well, others are still finding their feet, and many are somewhere in between.

Besides, if everyone were completely honest about every detail of their lives, some reunion conversations might not last beyond the first five minutes. And where would the fun be in that?