It was like yesterday that the Jagaban of Naija politics, our own very dear President Bola Ahmed Tinubu climbed a rostrum in Kaduna and held the podium hostage. He vowed not to leave that stage until he had the promise of outgoing Kaduna State governor and one-time FCT Minister, Nasir El-Rufai.

Amused that he would be so honoured, the former ‘accidental civil servant’ mounted the stage, gave Tinubu his pledge and like two lovebirds, they both freed the podium from the high-flying political hostage taker – hand in hand. That was a scene etched in political history.

A few months later, when Tinubu won the elections and became the president, he sent El-Rufai’s name to the new `sinnate’ as a ministerial nominee awaiting confirmation. Anybody who has followed the trajectory of the one-time FCT minister expected political fireworks. The last time the `sinnate’ encountered El-Rufai, its integrity did not do so well as they were accused of demanding bribe to clear the minister.

El-Rufai, the man of impeccable character chose to squeal on the ‘sinnate’ rather than buckle to their corrupt demand. In the roiling Naija political circles, that action was counted towards him for righteousness. Among those who would have known the nitty-gritty of that encounter was El-Rufai’s own Quondam political godson, Uba Sani.

Sani, now El-Rufai’s successor and at some level his latest political tormentor would later testify on tape that El-Rufai is so altruistic that his selflessness benefits everyone around him but leaves him high and dry.

Under Tinubu, the devil entered the detail and the ‘sinnate’ dropped El-Rufai’s name for ministerial appointment. That decision wowed political spectators who used to vow that the Nigerian president was more powerful than any other leader in the world. Those were the days before Donald Trump returned to the White House as ‘more presidential than any president in the world.’

The argument of political gossips is that if the president truly desired anything from the National Assembly that his party controlled, he could get it without trouble. In this instance, the president looked as if he sacrificed his pick like a feeble-kneed groom abandons his bride at the altar?

Pundits refrained a Naija ditty – nothing spoil. The former governor had a brilliant trajectory moving from high-class consultancy to becoming a controversial minister of the most lucrative land in Naija, a position he held with bulldozing notoriety without seeking personal gain until his last days in office. That was when it dawned on him that his friends and children needed plots in the FCT and he generously gave them some. From there, he became ‘executive’ governor of the state that was once the nerve-centre of northern Nigerian politics. This time, he must have performed excellently well because his son won a seat in the House of Representatives.

Malam, as his friends fondly call him, had several options ahead of him. He could have dusted his air ticket and headed to Amsterdam to complete the PhD he initially wanted to complete. He could stay in Kaduna as the committed family man that he is, savouring the culinary excellence of his wives and playing father to his younger children and grandchildren. The third option would have been to wait and see if Tinubu would call him for ambassadorial position since Nigerian missions have remained orphans after Buhari returned to Daura.

For a while, it appeared that El-Rufai enjoyed the vacation. That was until the Kaduna House of Assembly announced that they would be investigating his tenure. It sounded as unbelievable as it would have been to the fish if told that water, its natural abode would also be its natural annihilator.

This was the governor that his successor traced his personal trajectory with highfalutin praise. Sani had told the audience that his personal rise from obscurity to national limelight could not have happened without El-Rufai’s generosity. He recalled being a tenant when he was lucky to get a house in highbrow Maitama. From there he confessed that Malam helped him acquire another one within Aso Rock complex while consolidating two houses in the UAE. The confession was the highlight of El-Rufai’s valedictory speech and the preamble to Sani’s tenure.

That narrative forced analysts to conclude that the Kaduna governorship seat must have been handed to him by his predecessor on a platter of gold. It would then follow that Malam could go home and sleep on the pillow of clear conscience with his friend in charge even if he had left a big skeleton in any cupboard in Government House, Kaduna, it could have been expected that it would not be exhumed by his political godson.

The wicked members of the Kaduna State House of Assembly would not let that be. For no apparent reason, they launched an inquest into the former governor’s tenure. Readers must be thinking that Sani would protect his former master.

There could be a few reasons why that did not happen, the most important one being the silly principle of the separation of powers enshrined into the democratic landscape by a French agent provocateur by the title of Baron Montesquieu. He posited a clear split between the executive, the legislative and the judicial arm of government in a democracy. A Sani interference would have been political sacrilege.

The second reason being Sani’s assurance that his former boss is beyond reproach and would come out of any inquiry whiter than freshly picked cotton. After all, Sani was a known comrade before the term became known as `come raid’.

Like a sad witch hunt, the Assembly pronounced money not well spent. They used their absolute privilege. Instead of coming to the defence of his former boss, Sani cried about debts making him unable to pay salary or embark on projects.

As they say in Naija social media circles, that is the case that we have been trying to settle since. Grabbing seats at the Abubakar Mahmud Gumi Market with a cup of burukutu in one hand and ‘404’ meat in the other, some are crucial spectators while others are fanning the flames of discord in a manner that reminds of Raji Fashola’s message – may our loyalty never be tested.

Muhammad Ali Pate ridicules President Tinubu

Who says that Nigeria is not advancing? Only those who proverbially distort the refrain of popular songs. At a time that Tinubu’s enemies say he went to Paris to see his doctors, his health minister was lauding the excellence of Nigeria’s failed health care delivery system.

Who would have believed that japa Nigerians have been creeping back home to extort Pate’s excellent health care that couldn’t treat its foremost citizen? Only people like me, that know of two notable Nigerians who returned home to enjoy our revamped health care system but did not make it back alive to tell the story.

Some fables are best told as tales by the moonlight because efforts at transforming them into reality lead to an implausible plot. Anyhow, shhhh! Nobody should rain on Ali Pate’s delirious parade. He should add the fiction of Nigerians sneaking to enjoy what they do not have abroad to his impressive résumé. We won’t tell him otherwise or we might be accused of cyberbullying.