I have a challenge with an adult woman pulling out the consent card in a relationship where she has been intimate with a man. I always wondered how an adult of sound mind can go to a single man’s house, even stay overnight, and expect not to be asked for a "bite"—the bite that gave us the word "chewing," or "kukulana" in Kiswahili. I later realised that consent is complex for adults with agency, and nonexistent where a minor is involved.

That is why I understand when a lady brings a friend to a date; she doesn’t feel safe enough. Men should only complain if she brings a basketball team with her. Ladies also inform their close friends or relatives when a man is coming over to their house for manual labour or even deliveries. These are things that might not cross a man’s mind. Men can be creepy, so it's good to be cautious.

All these conversations raced through my mind as I read the stories from an investigation into the sexual exploitation of former students by a teacher at Alliance Girls High School, also called Bush.

In my recent conversation with several government officials, I learned that there is a rise in some negative aspects of our society. There is a rise in cancer cases, suicides, and unwanted pregnancies. The worry about unwanted pregnancies also includes the soaring abortion cases. Married women are increasingly terminating pregnancies, blaming it on the social and economic burden of raising children in the city.

Another group experiencing unwanted pregnancies are teenagers. The shocking thing is a rise in incest, where older relatives are taking advantage of young girls in their households. This is due to social proximity and a predatory attitude on the part of the adult. The older relative or neighbour whom your children call "uncle" is more likely to take advantage of your children than a stranger.

Parents who are protective but do not encourage a close, healthy relationship with their children set them up for predation. Recently, a friend shared how she demonstrated how sex happens to her seven-year-old daughter. We were surprised and envious because we struggle to initiate such conversations. Teenagers who are not listened to at home will fall for teachers and youth pastors who listen and care for them. Unfortunately, some of these people entrusted with guiding our youth are not worthy of that trust.

One of the former Alliance Girls High School students shared how it first happened with the teacher, and I will paraphrase. It was a physical, sexual encounter, but without penetration. This involved a nineteen-year-old and the teacher, who was then thirty-one years old. She added that a lot of sexual acts can happen without penetration, without elaborating which acts fall under sexual harassment. The encounter was forced, but she lacked the tools to process and navigate the whole scenario fully.

She goes on to say that she did not say no, but she also did not understand what she was implicitly saying yes to. The teacher still had authority over her, and the context, in his staff quarters house at the school, made it impossible for her to see clearly, let alone resist. The emotions she felt were confusing, hence the contradictions.

Two words flew out of the above paragraph: "tools" and "navigate." Children need to be taught navigation tools for sexual conduct from an early age. At nineteen, she is legally an adult, but she says she lacked the tools.

That is why the law had to attach "sound mind" to the description of an adult. Is a nineteen-year-old an adult of sound mind, even if she doesn’t have medical conditions impeding her judgment around sex?

The bait used by such people who have authority over these minors is "breadcrumbs." They drop small favours along the way, giving unlimited access and preferential treatment wrapped in care. The sad part is using spiritual authority to hoodwink the school administration as well as manipulate the young girls.

The irony is that it took twenty years for him to be exposed. The school might feign ignorance, but it was known. One of the girls said that when she joined Form One, a Form Four girl told her to avoid that teacher. She felt that the older girl was misguided, as she was not a Christian Union member. If only she knew that the thunder that would hit her had begun doing push-ups, which would last for four years!

One lesson I hope the Ministry of Education and the Teachers Service Commission pick up is to make sure a male teacher doesn’t build a "deep state" in a girls’ school. They should not be stationed in one school for a very long time. Familiarity builds contempt, but it also shields monsters.

It is not the responsibility of minors to protect themselves in such a scenario. The adult is responsible for setting boundaries, even if the minor is overcome by hormonal imbalance and throws herself at him. Female teachers also encounter boys who feel all grown and ready, but they rarely blur the boundaries.