There’s an unspoken tension hanging in the air whenever the topic of parenting comes up. Older generations often shake their heads, muttering about how the younger people don't know how best to raise children. Meanwhile, Gen Zers, many of whom are only just stepping into parenthood, often roll their eyes at the idea that love must always come with a slap, a curfew, or a lecture about how it was done in the older times.

It's a continual tug of war between soft life and strict love. On one end, there’s the traditional model which is firm, disciplined, and sometimes emotionally distant. The kind that believes obedience equals good parenting. On the other hand, a new wave of parents is emerging; gentle, emotionally aware, and determined to raise children who feel seen rather than scared.

But as with all revolutions, the pendulum sometimes swings too far. Between wanting to do better and not knowing what better really looks like, Gen Z parents are figuring things out in real time via one therapy session, Instagram post, and gentle-parenting podcast at a time.

And so it's worth asking: are Gen Z parents redefining what it means to love your kids, or just proving that every generation thinks it can do better?

The Shadows of Strict Love

Strict love, especially in African homes, was the standard for decades. It was how our parents were raised, and in turn, how many of us were shaped. It involved parents combining high discipline and expectations with affection and a strong sense of responsibility for their children's future. It meant prioritizing structure, respect and obedience in the home.

You didn’t negotiate with your parents, you obeyed. You didn’t talk about your feelings, you learned to swallow them whole. You didn’t get validation for expressing yourself, you got a look that spoke volumes.

Sadly, many of those children grew up wounded, confused, and emotionally bottled up. They learned to perform obedience instead of understanding it. They mastered silence but not individual expression. And now, as adults, they’re painfully aware of what they missed, warmth, empathy, emotional safety.

This realization birthed a quiet rebellion. Gen Zers, and even some millennials before them, looked around and decided that they wanted to do differently. They wanted to raise children who could speak their minds, who didn’t flinch at every raised voice, who didn’t have to earn love by being perfect. But in trying to unlearn the fear, some may have lost their grip on structure.

The Rise of Soft Parenting

The soft life ideology began as a lifestyle aesthetic but is now bleeding into everything, including the way people parent.

Soft parenting is an approach that prioritizes a calm, nurturing, and emotionally supportive environment for children, often involving gentle communication and self-care for the parent. It looks like gentle conversations instead of punishments. It’s emotional validation over authority. It’s the belief that children should be treated as individuals, not extensions of their parents’ expectations. In this model, tantrums are seen as communication, not rebellion. Disobedience isn't always punished, the root is explored.

It sounds beautiful and appealing in theory. A generation healing through kindness, parents who listen instead of lash out, homes where love feels safe. It's an attractive concept. However, while it emphasizes kindness and empathy, some critics argue it can become overly lenient, lack necessary structure and boundaries, and potentially lead to a child-led household rather than one led by the parent.

In trying to fix the mistakes of the past, we may be creating a different kind of imbalance, one where boundaries blur and accountability fades.

The Pendulum Problem

Parenting, like most human things, often swings between extremes. One generation emphasizes discipline, the next emphasizes freedom. One prizes obedience, the other self-expression. Each generation seeks to correct the excesses of the last, sometimes overcorrecting.

Gen Z parents are aware, educated, and emotionally intelligent, but they’re also tired. Many grew up in homes where they were emotionally neglected, and they carry that trauma into adulthood. The result of that is a generation that’s hyper-aware of mental health, but often anxious about doing the wrong thing, with guilt following every decision. The irony is that both strict love and soft life can miss the point if taken too far. Strict love raises compliance but not confidence. Soft life, when unchecked, can raise entitlement instead of empathy.

The answer isn’t balance in the cliche sense, it’s discernment. Knowing when to be firm and when to be soft, when to correct and when to comfort, when to give grace, and when to hold the child accountable.

Parenting in the Age of the Internet

The digital layer is a whole new battlefield. Our parents had neighbors and aunties judging their parenting, but Gen Z has the internet. Parenting is now public performance, and every choice can spark a debate in the comments section. Social media, with all its self-help reels and viral “gentle parenting” moments, can make young parents feel like they’re constantly failing. Everyone online seems to have the perfect routine, the perfect family, even the perfect emotionally aware child. Meanwhile, in real life, your children might be turning the house upside down.

And it’s not just about the aesthetics, it’s about identity. Many Gen Z parents are still figuring out who they are as individuals while trying to raise tiny humans. They’re navigating career pressure, mental health, inflation, and social comparison, all while trying to rewrite generational patterns.

It’s no wonder the term “parental burnout” is becoming more common. The truth is, there’s no perfect version of parenting. Parenting is messy, unpredictable, and profoundly human. The more we chase perfection, whether in strictness or softness, the further we drift from authenticity.

Reclaiming the Middle Ground

Perhaps the real Gen Z parenting revolution shouldn't be about choosing sides, but about integration. It's in the realization that love and discipline aren’t enemies. The awareness that one can be gentle and still firm, empathetic yet structured. In the end, children don’t need perfect parents, they need present ones. They need consistency more than control, connection more than comfort and accountability more than indulgence. Since strict love gives stability without softness and soft life gives comfort without resilience, the sweet spot lies somewhere in between; where love corrects, and correction still loves.

The most important thing is raising children who can thrive in a world that’s constantly changing without losing their sense of center.

Raising Humans, Not Perfection

Parenting has always been a mirror. Each generation sees what it didn’t like in the last and tries to do the opposite. But the truth remains: there’s no formula that fits everyone.

Gen Z’s approach to parenting isn't wrong, it is, in fact, necessary. But like all revolutions, it needs refinement. The goal shouldn't be to raise perfectly behaved or perfectly happy children, but whole ones. To raise children who know love, understand discipline, and see boundaries as safety nets and not cages. Because when it comes to it, the best parents aren’t the ones who choose between soft life or strict love. They’re the ones who know when to switch between both. In the grand scheme of things, the greatest legacy any parent can leave isn't perfection, it's presence.