The high financial costs of child care have been a topic of conversation. However, a new Care.com survey reveals that the cost of finding care for family members—including children, family, and pets (sometimes all three)—is more than dollars and cents. It paints a grim picture of the mental and emotional toll it’s taking on parents.

In a survey of 3,000 U.S. adults with children ages 14 and under, Care.com found that most parents are losing sleep (90%), crying (80% overall and 90% of moms), feeling a sense of dread (75%), and experiencing health issues (71%). Nearly one-third (29%) have considered suicide or self-harm.

It’s a lot of numbers (we have more) and a lot to take in. Also? It may be validating and very relatable. It was for Sean Lacey, the general manager of child care for Care.com, and a father himself. But even he was shocked by the extent to which parents are struggling mentally.

“While the cost of care is highly visible and quantifiable—rising expenses, mounting debt, and swindling savings—this mental toll is the invisible force of caregiving,” Lacey says. 

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, PMH-C, a psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and co-founder of Phoenix Health, hopes the survey will inspire change.

“The fact that almost 30% of those surveyed experienced suicidal thoughts or self-harm related to caregiving stress is very alarming,” Dr. Guarnotta. “These findings highlight the need for more support for parents. In my opinion, it is a public health issue.”

Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, MBA said as much in an advisory on parental mental health and well-being in August 2024. Dr. Murthy highlighted the need for systemic changes, including more workplace support for parents.

Without those in play at this time, what can parents do? Lacey and mental health providers share their thoughts on the new Care.com Cost of Care report, actionable steps parents can take now, and what they can do to drive change.

Dr. Murthy’s advisory was unsettling yet validating for many, including Lacey.

“It made me reflect on my own experiences as a parent and the countless sacrifices so many of us make to keep our families afloat,” Lacey says.

This year, the Care.com team wanted to determine whether and how caregiving for the entire family, including pets and aging parents, factored into this stress.

“Our goal was to put data behind what parents have long felt, capturing the full scope of the impact from financial pressures to the mental health challenges,” Lacey says. “Solving these issues begins with truly understanding them, and this research provides the foundation we need to start building real solutions.”

First, let’s take a look at the numbers.

While the Care.com survey highlighted mounting caregiver mental distress, we’d be remiss if we didn’t discuss the financial strain (which can play into the mental one). According to the survey, the average parent:

“The high cost of care comes down to a fundamental supply and demand issue—there simply aren’t enough caregivers to meet families’ needs, driving up prices across the board,” Lacey says.

Lacey says parents are making significant sacrifices to afford care, pointing to data in the Care.com report that:

Navigating care is undoubtedly a challenge, but parents don’t have a choice. Young children, pets, and aging parents need assistance with various essential tasks, from meal-serving to keeping a safe eye out as they go about their days. Parents are forced to use limited, stretched-thin resources to make it work, employing what Care.com calls a “patchwork approach” that includes daycare, babysitters, and relatives.

“While these solutions help them get by, they also create a new layer of stress,” Lacey says.

For one, Lacey points out that parents’ lineups of caregivers aren’t “set-it-and-forget-it” as a batting order for a first-place baseball team might be. Parents often need new caregiving assistance because of scheduling disruptions (31%) and budget changes (26%). 

Despite this gap-filling, 48% of parents report they still don't have enough help.

Long waitlists for daycares (see: Lacey’s comment on supply and demand) don’t help—more than half of parents (55%) said they were on a waitlist for four months or longer. However, Zishan Khan, MD, a psychiatrist with Mindpath Health, adds that the lack of care issue is situational, societal, and systemic, largely because of:

The hustle and pivoting are forcing parents to make sacrifices beyond their wallets. Care.com found that parents:

And nearly all parents said they lost sleep over care.

Parents often carve out “me-time” at the end of the day.

“This can also be when they are so exhausted from the day, but now their brain is trying to process everything, and it can be difficult to sleep due to racing thoughts,” says Christina Geiselhart, LCSW, who specializes in parenting, stress, and anxiety for Thriveworks in Hoffman Estates, IL. “The other aspect of this is that oftentimes, the caregiver is getting sleep interrupted by the demands of the people they are caring for.”

Regardless of the reason, poor sleep can compound current issues and create new ones.

“One obvious one is a lack of sleep leads to exhaustion and impacts how you function day to day,” Geiselhart says. “Getting enough good sleep is important to support mood, cognitive function, and feeling rested enough to perform the responsibilities of the day ahead. This is especially important for caregivers. If their own cup is empty, it can be hard to pour into those who rely upon them.”

Securing care in the first place can help alleviate stress. But how? 

“Finding child care can feel daunting, but there are a few practical strategies to help navigate the challenge,” Lacey says.

Care.com has also put together a toolkit to help parents.

Here are a few to help you get started.

Lacey says finding caregivers with diverse skills is useful, and 88% of Care.com report respondents agree.

“A caregiver who can support you in numerous ways—such as child care, light housekeeping, or meal prep—can reduce your stress by simplifying your schedule and maximizing your budget,” Lacey says.

How does that parent who seems to have it all together in the pick-up line or at birthday parties manage? In all likelihood, they’re in a similar boat. Geiselhart says asking them what resources they use might provide some insights. And Lacey notes you might even be able to create that seemingly elusive village.

“A nanny share or child care co-op can be a cost-effective solution that also builds community,” Lacey says. “If you’re feeling the strain on child care in your area, chances are so are your fellow parents, so sharing care can ease financial and logistical burdens.”

Safety isn’t something to cut corners on, Lacey says.

“Platforms and agencies often provide built-in tools to help with this step, offering peace of mind while making such a huge decision,” Lacey says. 

Care.com takes this step before letting caregivers interact with families, for instance. When in doubt: Go with your gut.  

“A parent’s intuition is unparalleled to anything else,” he says. “If everything seems to check out on paper and in references, but you just have an unsettled feeling, trust your instinct.”

Systemic change is needed—and we’ll get there. It’s not coming today, and parents needed help way before yesterday. Mental health experts emphasize that carving out time for yourself and other people in your life is crucial to curbing the numbers.

“The truth is that we do need time to attend to our own physical and mental health if we are to be the best versions of ourselves,” Dr. Guarnotta says. “Running ourselves into the ground is not good for our children.”

Small changes like the ones below can add up.

Ensure you make your own calendar.

“Scheduling ‘me time’ in your calendar is one way to prioritize time for yourself,” Dr. Guarnotta says. “With such busy schedules, it can feel impossible to carve out your own time. Putting it on the calendar makes it so that you can work around it.” 

Me-time doesn’t need to be an elaborate spa day or a Carribean escape (they’d be nice, though). Dr. Khan says daily mindfulness, journaling, and physical activity are ways to boost your mental well-being.

Dr. Guarnotta says putting time with your spouse on the calendar is also important. It could be monthly date nights or even weekly time together after the kids go to bed. In a season of life where little ones fight bedtime or interrupt couple time? 

“Trade child care with friends,” Dr. Khan suggests. “Consider swapping babysitting duties with trusted friends to allow more free time to socialize.”

Many parents report missing out on time with friends and their important life activities. You’re likely not going to go from zero friend dates per year to weekly happy hours on Fridays in a day. In fact, it might be a while before you get there if you’re struggling to fill constant gaps in care frequently interrupted by schedule changes. Dr. Guarnotta encourages parents to adhere to the “quality-over-quantity” idea.

“Make the most of the time you have with friends,” she says. “Silencing your phone and being present with a friend once a month is more beneficial than seeing your friends weekly but not being mentally present.”

Dr. Khan encourages parents to watch for signs of burnout, like constant exhaustion, irritability or detachment. 

“Take action before it escalates,” Dr. Khan says.”Normalize asking for help. Seeking therapy or community support is not a sign of failure but strength.”

While parents are exhausted and time-strapped, Lacey says it’s essential to try to carve out time to make meaningful changes.

“Systematic change is crucial to address the caregiving crisis,” Lacey says. “Band-aid solutions might ease the pain in the short term, but they don’t solve the underlying issues driving the high cost and inaccessibility of care.”

Lacey recommends focusing on two critical lanes: The government and employers.

“The majority of parents rated expanded tax credits for care expenses as helpful in solving the challenges of finding and managing care,” Lacey says. “At this time, care-related tax credits have not been meaningfully updated in more than two decades and are long overdue for an expansion that reflects the realities of the modern parent.”

Calling your writing your local officials can put the issue on their radar.

Additionally, Lacey would like to see employers step up support for the parents who are making valuable contributions to their workforce.

“Nearly 80% of the parents we surveyed said they see a role for employers in reducing these burdens through subsidized caregiving benefits,” Lacey says. “Employee benefits like backup care, subsidies, or dependent care spending accounts can make a real difference. For parents unsure if they even have benefits like this, they should absolutely ask their HR department and help to normalize these conversations in the workplace.”

If it helps, know you aren’t alone—and it isn’t your fault.

“Until societal structures evolve to better accommodate caregiving, parents must be proactive about seeking help and prioritizing their own mental health,” Dr. Khan says.