Married for a solid five years, yet this man still thinks he is a bachelor. Or who stays stuck to their childish ways even though they are fully grown?’ Peju went on and on, complaining about her husband of five years to her best friend.

Interestingly, many people have the same ‘tales of woe’ about their partner, and this problem will remain for as long as they decide to ‘handle things their own way.’

To the best of my knowledge, what these partners are doing may not necessarily be wrong; we’re the ones who find them uncomfortable.

And because those acts that drive us nuts are not necessarily morally or spiritually wrong, our partners may never see a reason to change. This is why communication is key.

Communication, from the word ‘commune’, involves two parties: the speaker/actor and the listener/viewer. In a romantic relationship, both partners are expected to communicate, that is, speak and listen.

Over time, our impatience has made communication one-sided, such that people are only interested in ‘dropping’ information without waiting for feedback. Subsequently, because the audience is used to being overlooked, they stop giving feedback too.

Then, tension slowly begins to build. Furthermore, because we are used to not allowing feedback, we suppress the need to give feedback too. A long-term effect of these is a strain or splintering of beautiful relationships if immediate interventions are not deployed.

What should you do then?

Face your fears; express your needs! Think of the worst scenarios and brace yourself for such, but by all means, do express your needs.

And when you do, do it in the most loving and acceptable way (the same way you’d sweet-talk money out of their pockets) so your partner does not feel confronted. Confrontation rarely gets the job done.

It is better that your better half hears what the problem is from you than from a third party. Also, it is much better for you to know why they act the way they do rather than just think they’ve fallen out of love with you, or that there’s someone else, or that they never loved you. So, although cliché, the phrase ‘communication is key’ can never be outdated.

But if you feel that just talking isn’t helping, please do reach out to a counsellor. The solution just might lie with them.

Till I come your way next time, I remain Tobi Yusuf, Founder, RIAH Events and Weddings, Relationship mentor, convener of Love Connect – a community empowering couples and singles to build meaningful connections. Stay loved, loving, and blessed.

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