In a bold and unconventional move, Minister Shababa Badmood's initiative to double prison capacity has reportedly yielded significant, if somewhat unusual, successes. This expansion has led to an abundant supply of 'reluctant road workers' drawn from those serving community sentences, who have been diligently deployed to address the nation's perennial problem of potholes. While initially effective, a peculiar logistical challenge has emerged: certain regions are plagued by an excess of potholes, yet suffer from a notable shortage of available criminals to fill them.

Addressing this curious imbalance, Minister Badmood, ever the innovator, has unveiled a new, highly novel strategy: 'Shoplifting Week'. Recognizing that police have long de-prioritized arrests for minor shoplifting incidents, this initiative aims to strategically replenish the 'road worker' supply in critical areas. Cities like Blackburn, reportedly home to a staggering 10,000 potholes, are slated as prime locations for these specialized weeks.

During 'Shoplifting Week', local law enforcement will adopt a hands-off approach, refraining from immediate arrests of perpetrators. Instead, the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) will set up cameras ubiquitously to meticulously record these acts of petty theft. This footage will form the basis for their next groundbreaking reality television series, provocatively titled 'I’m a Shoplifter, Lock Me Up'.

The public will be actively engaged in this unique civic duty. Viewers, equipped with facial recognition-enabled handheld devices, will be encouraged to identify the shoplifters from the televised footage and phone in their findings. The first viewer to successfully recognize and name a shoplifter will be rewarded with a £50 voucher, courtesy of the affected shopkeeper. Armed with this viewer-provided video evidence, local police constables will then proceed to apprehend the identified individuals. Following arrest, an innovative system of 24/7 judges will ensure immediate conviction, leading to the prompt assignment of these new 'recruits' to pothole-filling duties without delay. This inventive approach is hailed as yet 'ANOTHER GREAT WIN FOR SIR KEYER AND HIS MAGIC MINISTERS!'.