THE MILES ‘SAMPA-TIOUS’ CIRCUS: HOW TO TURN A POLITICAL PARTY INTO A STAND-UP COMEDY SHOW

The FOX Newspaper

Starring: Miles “The Magician” Sampa, Featuring the PF Acrobats, and a Special Appearance by Madam Speaker the Referee!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gather around for the biggest political circus of the decade! The Patriotic Front (PF) has outdone itself, turning what was once a ruling party into a full-blown comedy club—with Miles Sampa as the headlining act. If laughter is the best medicine, then Zambia owes this man a medical degree.

ACT 1: THE MUSICAL CHAIRS CHAMPIONSHIP

Picture a bunch of kids at a birthday party, frantically scrambling for chairs when the music stops—except, instead of kids, it’s MPs, and instead of a birthday party, it’s the National Assembly.

Sampa, with all the seriousness of a school prefect with a new badge, decided to fire Robert Chabinga as Leader of Opposition. In came Hon Kampamba Mulenga, and out went Anthony Mumba, making way for Brenda Nyirenda. But wait! The Speaker suddenly remembered that “court cases exist”—something she conveniently forgot when she happily removed Brian Mundubile months ago. Ah, the selective amnesia of politics!

One must wonder, did the Speaker read the court ruling on an Etch-a-Sketch? Or did she receive an invisible ink version that only appears when Sampa tries to make a move?

ACT 2: SAMPA’S EXPULSION EXTRAVAGANZA

If you thought the musical chairs were dramatic, wait for this. Sampa, possibly inspired by reality TV (Mpali: PF Edition), went on an expulsion spree. First, he unceremoniously ejected Edgar Lungu from the party—like an unruly passenger on a minibus. Then, in a plot twist that even Mpali scriptwriters wouldn’t predict, he booted several others out, citing “gross indiscipline”.

For a man who walked into PF through the political backdoor and found himself in charge, one must admire his audacity. It’s like someone hijacking a bus, throwing passengers out, and then getting confused when the driver (Parliament) refuses to obey his directions.

ACT 3: THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY REFEREE

Now, let’s give a round of applause to Speaker Nelly Mutti, who has been playing referee in this chaotic football match—blowing her whistle whenever it suits her team.

So, let’s get this straight: The Speaker is all for gender equality… until it’s time to actually promote women? PF tried to push UN Millennium Development Goal 3 (equal leadership for women), but the Speaker said “Nope! This is a men’s club, ladies, please wait outside.”

Someone please check if Madam Speaker misplaced the Constitution and is instead using a PF WhatsApp group chat as her legal guide.

ACT 4: THE LEGAL DRAMA FINALE

Now, PF says they will seek legal recourse to force the Speaker to follow the same rules she happily used before. Well, good luck with that! This situation is now so confusing that even judges must be watching this drama with popcorn, wondering what plot twist is next.

At this point, the only thing left is for Miles Sampa to wake up one day and fire himself from PF. That would be the grand finale!

CONCLUSION: PF, PLEASE, RELEASE A COMEDY DVD

This isn’t politics anymore—it’s pure entertainment. If PF ever needs money, they should stop looking for donors and start selling “Miles Sampa’s Greatest Hits” comedy DVDs. Even Diamond TV might be interested in buying the rights to The PF Show.

The real question now is: What’s next? Will Sampa rename the party Sampa Front?

Stay tuned, folks. At this rate, even Tom and Jerry have nothing on the PF Circus!