“Mid-May, the summer holidays start in most North Indian schools, and you'll notice that these days almost half of your children's class go on foreign trips. The children post the pictures on friends' WhatsApp groups from Bali, Mauritius, Europe, and Iceland. When we were young, our vacations used to depend on this thing called LTC that fathers got, and vacations used to be once every few years in Ajanta Ellora, Puri, Digha, and Nalanda. My first plane ride was at the age of 24. My first trip outside India (Sri Lanka) at 25 for work. I understand that consumption has changed. But in this economy, it's ok if you're not able to go on foreign vacations every summer. Tell your child it's ok to make their own memories when they grow up instead of parents giving them everything. That's what I do. It's ok to be able to afford just as it's ok to wait and save for it. We just need to tell our children to be empathetic towards those who can't. Don't make them feel left out.”

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The words by Rituparna Chatterjee strike like a deep chord, especially if you are a parent who is trying to understand the emotional and social pressures of modern parenting. When I was a child, I eagerly looked forward to the vacations, not because of fancy trips, but because my aunt and cousins used to come over and we'd spend a couple of weeks together. And when they couldn’t, I used to go to their place or my nani’s house.

Today, we live in a world where vacations are no longer just about spending quality time with family and loved ones, but have rather become a symbol of social status. People plan international trips, and even after spending a fortune, these are incomplete without those online posts and stories. 

The worst part? A lot of parents come across these posts & stories, and start questioning their self-worth for not being able to take their children on such trips. Just imagine, your child asking, “If they can go, why can’t we?” and it can be difficult to explain it to them at times. 

One of the comments on the post read, “I've known of a family who went to South Africa for a summer holiday by postponing other financial decisions merely because the teenage daughter had to 'fit in' amongst her peers at an international school in Mumbai! And btw, Dubai, Sri Lanka, etc, was too middle class for the girl!” 

Another comment read, “You hit the nail on the head. While we were growing up, LTC was once in two years, and we would plan six months in advance. Nowadays, even the schools are planning trips, and there is so much societal pressure to send kids on these trips. I know so many parents who have not sent their kids alone to any destination in India, but very willingly send their small kids to international destinations.”

The second comment actually highlights another important point that I had missed earlier. Societal pressure. We want to enroll our children in the best schools, but for many of us, the definition of best has quietly become tied to high fee structures and elite extracurricular activities. We put our needs aside to pay the hefty school fees, and for what? Now your child wants to go on a school trip that costs a fortune just because their friends are going, or maybe some parents want to send their children because others in their social circle have. This kind of societal pressure never really ends. 

“Somehow, the lifestyle in big cities has become a weird competition. One child has an iPad, and others also want one. One had his/her birthday celebrated in a 5-star hotel, your child would feel sad if you didn’t. And now this pressure of going on foreign vacations.” read another comment. 

There was this one comment, in particular, that grabbed my attention, “It is sometimes ok to also not go on a vacation and just stay at home. I read an article recently where it mentioned that it is fine "to be bored" and one needn't be doing something at all points of time. Something that is relevant for not just kids, but adults as well.”

Someone replied, “I tell my kid that all the time. Bored? That's ok. Find something to do.” 

Now that I think of it, it’s actually true. ‘It’s fine to be bored’ and it ain’t something you need to worry about. With a plethora of financial responsibilities already on your plate, planning a trip just because your child is getting bored doesn’t seem like a wise option. At least, to me, it doesn’t. Planning trips once in a while is fine, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be fancy or exotic.

Being parents, it can be heartbreaking to say ‘No’ every single time your child asks for an exotic trip, and seeing them struggle with FOMO. You know what’s easier? Helping your child overcome this FOMO. Here are a few things you can do,

1. Normalize simple trips. Make your child understand that vacations are all about spending quality time together, irrespective of whether you do it in your hometown, on a road trip, or even during a movie night at home. 

2. If your child is old enough to use social media, help them understand that whatever they see online is just a part of the story, and the grass isn’t always green on the other side. 

3. Share your childhood experiences with them. Talk about how you used to spend your vacations with your extended family and cousins. 

4. If your child is sad or angry about not being able to go on a vacation, let them express their emotions and talk to them without dismissing their feelings. It is important to make it clear from the very beginning that not being able to do something that others do doesn’t define their self-worth.

5. Have meaningful conversations about making choices that are best for the family, considering the financial aspects. 

6. Set an example by enjoying little things in life. To help your child overcome FOMO, it is important that you overcome it first.

It is human to feel the urge to go on that vacation, but the real question is, ‘Is it really worth it?’