Most of us are so stressed, overextended, and addicted to doomscrolling these days that actually finding relief from burnout and anxiety can feel like a project that requires extraordinary amounts of time and energy we just don't have to give.

But one expert says this perception simply isn't true. There may be gurus everywhere telling us our real problem is a lack of commitment and effort, but she says that the real path to wellness starts very simply with the smallest of acts that add up to a big impact.

Melissa Romano is an author and expert on mental health and burnout who is certified in somatic healing and other neuroscience-based therapeutic modalities. In a recent video on her TikTok account, she addressed common misconceptions that make many people feel like actually healing their brains is out of reach.

"You don't need to meditate for an hour a day to rewire your brain," she said in her video. "You don't need to carve out an hour a day of anything to rewire your brain." That's because that's not actually how our brains are designed to operate in the first place. 

You also "don’t need more willpower," she said. The gurus who insist this don't know what they're talking about, because willpower is quite literally not how brains work. Their literal job is to maintain the status quo to keep you "safe," which our brains define as "not being chased by a tiger" because they formed and evolved tens of thousands of years ago when that was our reality!

This is why quitting things cold turkey, for instance, tends to be impossible for nearly all of us. It's quite literally against what our brains are designed to do. The same is true of trying to, say, meditate an hour a day or whatever advice the guru du jour is giving. Your brain is going to fight you every step of the way. It wants the status quo!

It's also why big, sweeping self-care and mental wellness projects don't work. Romano, by her own admission, is someone who has tried pretty much every healing modality, and has gotten certified in many of them too, including forcing herself to meditate for an hour a day like so many recommend. But that's not what ultimately worked for her either.

The science of neuroplasticity, however, has proven that we do in fact have the power to help our brains shift the status quo it seeks. The key is not willpower or big changes but, in Roman's words, "rhythm, structure, and science-backed tools that work with your nervous system — not against it."

Romano said that for her, what "actually moved the needle required no carving out of large chunks of time" but rather "focusing on my basic needs and then doing a little bit at a time, often." She started with things like drinking enough water and eating enough, then "doing a little bit of time, often" when it came to healing practices like meditation or somatic exercises.

"I was carving out two to five minutes a couple times a day. And this took no major shifts or changes in anything." She just worked a couple of quick bursts into her schedule each day. Sometimes it was just "laying starfish on the floor" or "bouncing and shaking" her body. Other times, it was more structured nervous system regulation practices like grounding techniques. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique — naming five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste — is one that has worked wonders for me, personally.  

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"Whatever felt good to me in those two to five minutes at that point in the day" was what she went with. Breathing exercises, somatic movements, dancing, walking in place—whatever gets you out of your head and into your body for two minutes a couple times a day. And Romano explained that over time, this regulates your nervous system to a point that makes it easier to take on bigger self-care projects, like getting better sleep or, yes, meditating.

As someone who actually does meditate for an hour (or sometimes more!) a few times a week, I can confirm that this works. I started with 30 seconds of what felt like utterly useless, incompetent meditation, but over time, my brain adapted. It became willing to shift my "status quo" until 30 seconds became a minute, then five, then 10, and so on.

The bottom line is this: The wellness influencers and gurus who tell you healing from burnout and anxiety is about big, dramatic self-improvement projects are fundamentally wrong. Most of them are selling you something, even if the product is just their image, and you feeling like a hopeless failure is literally part of the sales pitch. Tune it out.

Instead, start with bites as small as you need, stick with it, and build from there. Your brain WILL adapt if you ease into it. You'll slowly gain more control over your mental state, and that's when the real healing can begin.

John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.