I just gave birth to my sixth child five months ago, and there is no doubt I’m still recovering. Not only is my baby not 100% committed to sleeping through the night regularly, but I’m not sure I’ll ever fully adjust to life with six kids! Meanwhile, my body is verging on feeling like I’m still in there, but I definitely haven’t “bounced back” like women do in the movies. 

When I saw a new survey about the postpartum experience, the results made me feel less alone. Importantly, the study focused on both the physical and emotional aspects of birth recovery. Specifically, in the Talker Research survey, commissioned by Intimina, 2,000 women who have given birth in the past three years revealed relatable sentiments.

Among the findings:

So many factors impact how long physical recovery after birth takes, such as whether you delivered vaginally, or had a C-section, and if you experienced any complications. Breastfeeding challenges can also affect healing.

“The actual time it takes to physically feel ‘recovered’ varies from person to person,” Michele Burtner, CNM, MS, MPH, IBCLC, at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and Dentistry, tells Parents. Some women may feel great six weeks after giving birth, while others will take much longer to recover.

There’s also the emotional component of giving birth to consider, which is just as significant as physical recovery.

“Postpartum depression and anxiety can be diagnosed up to one year after delivery, so the mental recovery can be very different from physical recovery,” Burtner says.

First births take time to recover from, of course. But Tisha Seghers, a certified nurse-midwife at LCMC Health in New Orleans, explains why recovery from a subsequent birth can be more difficult, due to both physical and emotional factors. 

With regards to the former, she points out that after your first birth, women are more likely to experience pelvic floor disorders and abdominal muscle laxity, leading to symptoms ranging from urinary leakage to back pain. Another factor Burtner adds to this list is that women are older with each subsequent delivery.

“Also, the exhaustion is real!” Seghers says about the latter. “When you have other children to parent, you ultimately have less opportunity to catch up on sleep.” 

But, as Seghers notes, “Sleep is essential for postpartum physical recovery and is especially essential for your mental health.” In fact, inadequate sleep increases the risk of postpartum depression.

The good news is that there are ways to make recovery more bearable. Chief among them, according to Seghers, is to give yourself grace and acknowledge that your body has been through a lot to bring your tiny little human into this world.

Other things can support your whole recovery, no matter how many babies you’ve had. Those factors include:

Even if you are attentive to your recovery, and receive adequate support—and have given birth multiple times—this study highlights that there’s often a gap between what women expect, and what actually happens in the delivery room and beyond. 

Many new moms have realized that no one told them about a certain aspect of postpartum life. For me, it was night sweats and how intense my emotions would feel!

Meanwhile, another change new moms reported being shocked by in the survey include a weakened pelvic floor. Yup, I’m nodding along there too.

So, why are we so unprepared for the reality of postpartum life, despite the plethora of information out there? 

“Reading or hearing about something that might happen to your body, versus actually going through it, are very different things—and can be surprising to women,” explains Burtner. “There is so much focus on the baby’s needs and baby care, but little focus on the woman and her recovery,” she adds.

To be as primed as possible for what’s to come, Seghers urges more soon-to-be parents to take advantage of resources such as prenatal classes and breastfeeding support.

“Having social support from other mothers can be wonderfully life-changing,” she says.

Ultimately, Seghers, a mom of two, offers this point of view: “This journey of motherhood has been filled with unexpected and hard things, but thankfully the unexpected and hard things have often been beautiful.”