The only thing more difficult than being a teen might be parenting one. I’m being hyperbolic, sort of. As anyone who parents a teen knows, it can feel like as soon as you start to get a handle on this whole parenting thing, some jerk named “puberty” shows up and completely burns the whole thing down. Then you have to figure out how to rebuild it from the ground up.

That’s a bit dramatic, I know. But, often, so is the shift from parenting a young child to a teen. And one of the biggest and most difficult things many dads experience is the whiplash of going from a child who idolizes you to one who doesn’t want you around. So how do you cultivate connection with a teen who’s too cool for you? Here are 5 ideas.

I know what you’re thinking: “If she doesn’t want me around, prioritizing presence seems to be rather difficult.” Well, in certain settings, yes. If you’re trying to show up while she’s hanging out with her friends in her room, that might not be welcome. However, part of the work of parenting is knowing that your teen is almost always feeling tension with her need to differentiate from you. She both desperately wants her space while also needing the security of knowing you’re there for her despite her apparent disinterest.

So if you’re asking how to connect with teens, creatively work to be present. Be available when she’s working on homework, popping in to ask if she wants a snack or any help. Be a fixture at her games or recitals. Offer to drive her to that get together. You may sometimes get an eyeroll, but your presence provides stability that she needs.

Your family needs rhythms. Your teen’s life can be chaotic and uncertain in many ways. Her friends are flaky. Her emotions are all over the place. She needs some sense of stability and connection. Practicing the regular rhythm of dinner together can create an anchor in an otherwise tumultuous day. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. And “dinner” may mean the family stands around the island in the kitchen for 10 minutes throwing sandwiches together before running off to practice. But even then, there’s a point of connection.

If you’re asking how to connect with teens, look to create an anchor point at dinner. There’s a natural way food fosters connection. If dinner is impossible, try an evening snack or breakfast. The time of day and amount of time spent are less critical than the act of carving out a window for connection with your teen.

It’s the little things that can make a difference. I know that texting your kid may seem like the smallest of gestures. But small gestures can make a big difference. That text in the morning before you head to work or the funny meme or gif you share or the link to an interesting article all communicate: “I’m thinking about you.”

So if you’re asking how to connect with teens, don’t overlook the small things, like texting. Take the time to fire off a text to see how that test went or to send some dorky dad joke. It takes almost no time on your end, but it can create a real connection in the long run.

Teens are notoriously easy to embarrass. All you have to do is attempt to give her a hug or a kiss or be overheard saying “I love you,” and you’ll bring on all the eye rolls and exasperated breathing. Simply telling a dumb joke around her friends will surely elicit a groan. Do it anyway. Your teen needs to know you love her, and her friends need to see examples of parents loving and being playful with their teens.

If you’re asking how to connect with teens, be yourself. Say “I love you.” Be affectionate. Tell dad jokes. Yes, you’ll embarrass her and her friends, but you’ll also create an environment of love, fun and authenticity that will bring her joy between eye rolls.

Listening creates connection. It’s that simple. So few people, parents included, actually listen well. We listen to answer. We listen to correct. But rarely do we listen, without judgment, in order to understand. But if you take the time to be genuinely curious about your teen’s life, about what she’s worried about, what she’s excited for, what music she listens to… your teen will come to believe that you not only love her but you actually like her.

So if you’re asking how to connect with teens, learn to love listening. Be curious. Ask questions. Give her your undivided attention. You’ll be glad you did.

Check out this All Pro Dad podcast where the team discusses why dad jokes are good for kids!