It sounds amusing, but for those afflicted it's anything but. Some young, stressed, male investment bankers are suffering excruciating pains in their groin. They can't sleep properly. They can't pee properly. Some are suicidal. No one talks about it. 

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Bloomberg says young male bankers are ground zero for the condition, which is caused by tight pelvic floor muscles. It leads to sexual dysfunction and a potentially permanent state of "hard flaccid", which might also elicit sniggers if it weren't accompanied by pain and depression.

Chad Woodard, a researcher and doctor of physical therapy in New York, said bankers are ground zero for the condition. Male pelvic floor issues are, "really common with my Type-A high performers — high-income, heavily stressed-out patients,” Woodward observed. Some men live with the pain for decades. Few feel able to talk about it. “Everything just felt tight,” one 27-year-old client services professional told Bloomberg, recalling a “burning sensation, with sharp jolts.” At one point, he was in tears. 

There are solutions, but they're not cheap and they don't involve pills. The 27-year-old client services sufferer paid $320 a session to have his pelvic floor massaged through his rectum to release the muscles. “It’s very invasive but I was just so desperate,” he says. "I was willing to pay whatever price.” 

Sufferers often need to make long-term lifestyle changes. Reddit is full of men discussing yoga and advocating this 30 minute exercise routine on YouTube. The condition is more common than men let on. The 27-year-old told colleagues it was his back: “No one wants to talk about penile pain at work.”

Separately, it's not unusual for senior bankers to spend a lot of time on the road and in the sky, but Filippo Gori, who runs JPMorgan's EMEA investment banking business, will now spend more time than most. 

Despite running EMEA, Gori - who was in Hong Kong with JPMorgan until last year - is moving to New York in order to better do his other job of co-heading global banking with the wit that is Doug Petno. 

The FT says Gori will still spend at least half his time in EMEA. Others are doing the same. Cathal Deasy at Barclays reportedly spends alternate weeks working in London and New York. Hopefully their pelvic floors are fine.

When Stefan Bollinger became CEO at Julius Baer he cut back most of his management team and introduced a co-head structure for several management roles. In the first week alone he went to Geneva, Singapore, Hong Kong and Dubai. He slept on the plane rather than in hotels. (Bloomberg) 

As hedge fund Millennium prepares to sell a minority stake, it's valued at $14bn. (FT) 

Citi overhauled its leaky London DCM team but it still needs a new head of UK and Nordic DCM. (Financial News) 

Kevin Kimmel, the global head of electronic foreign exchange at Citadel Securities, has left the firm after 11 years. (Risk) 

Virtu is considering opening in China. (Reuters) 

Peel Hunt reported a pretax loss of £3.5 million ($4.8 million) for the year through March, about 6% more than the previous 12 months. (Bloomberg) 

Pharo Management is opening an office in Abu Dhabi. (Bloomberg) 

JPMorgan has 200,000 users on its LLM suite. "It allows us to put the right guardrails in place to ensure our employees have access to LLMs in a safe way, so they can be more efficient in their jobs." (McKinsey)

How to say "no" at work. 'Make it clear that the answer comes from the core of your values, beliefs, priorities and preferences, instead of your mood or schedule at the moment. When you ground your refusal in who you are, you come across as more determined and are less likely to get pushback.' (WSJ) 

You can only rise from janitor to CEO of Goldman Sachs in the style of Sidney Weinberg when the labour market is inefficient. The grim corollary is that a world where 99.9th percentile talent immediately gets snapped up by whichever employer can make the best use of that talent is one where 99.8th percentile people learn early on that they just don't have what it takes. (The Diff) 

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