It's Decided-This Is Who Should Pay The First Date Bill In 2025
In the wilderness that is dating in 2025, I keep finding myself in an all-too-common sticky situation: It's a first date, things are going smoothly, the sangria is a-flowing, forearms are being grazed, and then...the check comes.
There are so many ways this can go, all of which can instantly determine if there will be a date number two. Perhaps you or your date do the fake-out slow reach for your wallet or purse, hoping to skip out on paying the bill. Or maybe you each slam your credit cards down with a thwack, to split all those tapas and cocktails right down the middle. (Never mind that your date ordered extra truffle fries and an overpriced bottle of red!) Maybe you volley back and forth until someone insists that they’d love to pay! It’s their treat!
No matter who ends up paying, check time on a date sets a tone.
Determining who pays for the date, especially a first date, is still complicated for many in 2025. Dating has become increasingly exhausting and weird (we’re back to matchmaking, apparently?), so I polled dozens of daters across the country to get a consensus. And what I found was a bit more complicated than simply agreeing to split things down the middle.
“Paying for a meal on the first date, to me, is almost a symbolic gesture that they are investing and do not (fully) intend to waste your time,” says Amy in Florida. “Anything less? Chopped.”
The bill-paying practices of women I polled varied wildly, and was often very dependent on how well the date was going. They also accounted for their own pre-date labor costs, like the tiring upkeep of makeup and hair.
“I don’t pay on the first date,” says Anna, who is based in Wisconsin. “But I’ll split after. Or offer to take the whole thing if I like them enough. I do so much prep—they should pay.”
Some daters I polled even reported that former dates knew ahead of time that they were, say, working on an intern’s salary, so they made sure to make bill time both seamless and respectful.
“If a guy does take me up on the offer to split, I know he never wants to see me again.”
J, who is non-binary and dates in the Los Angeles area, related a story about a date who knew full well that J was a struggling freelancer, but still wanted to go on a date at an upscale restaurant. “I didn't even do the wallet fake-out,” says J. “The server knew what was up, too—brought the check right to him while also making sure I could see the total.” Personally, that level of awareness would instantly earn someone a second date with me.
For some people, receiving a meal can convey a different message, implying an obligation to reciprocate, whether that means sex or agreeing to another date. Some people, ahem me, would rather split so it's more open-ended. This way, one can feel okay with not continuing the relationship, or simply staying emotionally neutral. And this goes both ways, apparently: “If a guy does take me up on the offer to split, I know he never wants to see me again,” says Victoria, who dates in the Atlanta area. “It’s been 100 percent accurate so far.”
This notion even goes back to etiquette teachings of Emily Post, which state in the 18th edition of her classic guide that, “for a first date at least, the person who asks should pay unless both parties agree in advance to share expenses.”
The daters I polled agreed that this is the most sane option of all, especially if you’re unaware of the income level of your date.
“In a sense, you’re deciding if it’s a $5 coffee or a $100 martini night, so it’s fair,” says Bridget, who is based in the Boston area. “And it’s just a nice, romantic gesture to put out there for someone you are pursuing. After that, I think it’s fair to kind of switch off.”
This bill-handling practice, especially in heteronormative relationships, can be traced back to the tradition of men usually being the ones asking for dates. This assumption can then carry over bill-related confusion while dating in the age of apps, where anyone can ask someone out. “I think that’s why women ‘hope’ or ‘expect’ that men will pay for the first date,” Bridget adds. “Not because of the money and not because women can’t pay their own way—of course we can, we are independent—but because they want to feel that gesture of courtship and thoughtfulness from the person who is pursuing them.”
To some men, paying the bill is not a worry for them, but their dates making a gesture to attempt to pay is a social nicety that’s doesn’t go unnoticed. Phillip, who dates in the Tampa area, says that he once dated a woman who never paid, which was totally fine by him, but she would never even reach for the check. “I would let it sit for a minute before grabbing it. It really bothered me,” he adds. “I don’t mind paying but they at least have to offer. It makes me feel ‘like a man’ when they offer and I can say, ‘Absolutely not, it’s on me.’”
If it’s a drinks-based date, switching off who pays for each round is easy and endearing, lending itself to Big Partnership vibes. Why yes, you can grab me another beer while I get us the table next to the best heater on the patio.
As for dinner, after the first date, I always split the check. But if someone really insists, I make one attempt of, “Are you sure?” before putting my card away.
And if your dud of a date orders an $80 bottle of wine you didn’t really want and now you’re awkwardly splitting the bill (okay, this is still me I’m referring to), I think you’ve got more than enough reasons to dine and dash.
Mackenzie Filson is a food writer and contributing digital food producer at Delish. Her favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate-pine and if wine was an astrological sign she'd be a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. She's never met a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos she didn't eat in one sitting.
