When Gabby Windey was first offered a spot on Season 3 of “The Traitors” in summer 2023, she turned it down. She meant no offense to the reality competition series — Windey reflexively says no to everything. “Notoriously, I don’t want to do anything ever,” she says over lunch in the Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles.

Eventually, though, Windey changed her mind, which was really for the best. Because not only was she one of the season’s four winners — along with fellow Faithfuls Dylan Efron, Dolores Catania and Lord Ivar Mountbatten — but Windey truly won “The Traitors,” becoming this year’s breakout star. The former “Bachelor”/”Bachelorette”/”Dancing With the Stars” contestant was an ICU nurse in Denver when she first joined the ABC dating competition in 2022, where she charmed audiences with atypical remarks, such as, “I’m here to find my person, not teach men how to act.”

But those shows follow a formula, and Windey — called “Gaggy” by fans — is best when she’s improvising. And so, she used the weekly rollout of “The Traitors” on Peacock to bolster her podcast “Long Winded” as well as her mesmerizing presence on Instagram (1.5 million followers) and TikTok (1.1 million followers), where she offers Jennifer Coolidge-inflected, ASMR-tinged monologues slamming the patriarchy and late-stage capitalism.

She’s warned her influx of new fans “you’re not gonna like it here,” and articulated her boundaries in “business hours,” a viral clip from her podcast. (In part: “You want to have a creative call? Over my dead body.”) She often throws in complex medical jargon and has recently learned the term “misandry” and isn’t afraid to use it.

In the finale of “The Traitors,” before she’d won, she told the show’s Emmy-winning host Alan Cumming that maybe she’d use the money to marry her girlfriend, comedian Robby Hoffman — Windey came out on “The View” in August 2023 — and indeed, they eloped to Las Vegas in January when escaping from the Los Angeles fires.

So it’s all been a pretty happy time for Windey, but don’t tell her that: Sylvia Plath is her hero.

When did you say yes to doing “The Traitors” after initially saying no?

Basically, they won an Emmy, and then I did a vibrator ad for money — and I was like, “OK, I’m going back on TV.” I was like, these are the people who want me the most, and it’s not, like, love related. I was in the airport, and [NBCUniversal casting executive Christine Cowan] was like, “Gabby, we’re having to turn people away. Everyone wants to get on this show so bad.” Exclusivity is a way to get me. If I know I’m going to be chosen over others, I’m in. And it was the best thing I’ve done for my career.

What did you think of the cast when you first saw everyone in Scotland?

I knew Chrishell [Stause] via social media. And I was like, OK, I’m in good company; I feel like she’s a big get. But I still wasn’t totally sold. I was like, Tom Sandoval’s here? Damn, this guy’s still getting gigs? It’s good controversy. And then who knew? He actually kind of redeemed himself — he was the village idiot.

The singing!

He’s not in on it, which is tragic, but it’s very entertaining.

You talked about the show’s harrowing bathroom situation on your podcast. Was the competition part nerve-racking?

It was terrible. People are like, “How are you so confident?” I’m like: “No clue. I’m shaking on the inside, 24/7.” I was nervous even being around that many people. But the bathroom situation was horrendous — I was always trying to sneak away. I’m like, “I need to powder my nose.” They’re like, “You were just gone five minutes ago.” I’m like, “I just need a second. My bowels are unpredictable. The food is not great, and I just need to take a deep breath!” They got it. They gave us a lot of grace.

The game goes so fast.

You lost two people a day, so the cast dwindles really fast, and you just don’t know when it’s going to be your last minute there. You’re just trying to make it through. The roundtable is just as chaotic, if not more so, in person, because you don’t even have time to gather your thoughts.

Were you strategizing, or were you like, I’m just keeping my head above water?

I feel like I’m a woman in the world, and you kind of know how to strategize — not even in a manipulative way, but I am one step ahead. I’m a planner. If I need to sit on the phone with customer service for X amount of time, I’m going to get what I want out of it. I’m good with people. I think a lot of it is a social game.

Oh, 100%.

If you’re likable, they’re not going to want to send you home. And everyone thought I was dumb. People don’t think I’m a threat, which I think is good. I think it’s good to hold your cards close to your chest a little bit.

Once it got down to very few of you, what was that like?

I was prepared. I wanted a big moment. I was like, I hope I get banished so I can say my piece, naturally, about being a woman in this world. I wanted to tell my own story. I was just really putting in the work as I was preparing myself to leave it at any time.

What were the final few days like?

Exhausting and dragging on. I just wanted to know already who was going to win. I wanted to get back home to Robby.

It really felt like I won when we watched it back. I was in such a better headspace than while I was there — not numb, but just a little bit beaten down? It was kind of an anticlimactic ending. It was very Kumbaya, which I think was great because the Traitors were just so cutthroat and had their own show going on in the turret. Which I thought was rude because it took away from our screentime!

You said in an interview that you tried to get rid of Ivar.

Yeah, always. Because he doesn’t need the money. He’s a Mountbatten! I don’t even know how the financials work around there, but I imagine they’re not bad. So I’m like, “Oh, come on. Even if he’s not guilty, why are we just throwing away our money?” But no one went along with that.

When you did the interview with Alan Cumming in the finale, you said that Robby was going to be proud of you, and that you thought you might use the money to get married.

Everyone’s like, “What are you going to do with the money?” It’s like, I don’t know — definitely not save it!

At that point, Robby and I had only been dating a year and a half, but we were so close, and being away, I was hanging out with all these people that just didn’t compare — get these dudes out of my face, I want to go back to my girlfriend! It’s just so reassuring that she is the person that I want to be with forever, because she’s, like, my favorite person.

$200-something thousand dollars split four ways isn’t actually that much. But you’re paid to be there, right?

Yeah. Not as much as people might think. After I was screaming about my money on all of the press tour, the internet thought I was broke, which I think is great. I made it to my first blind item that was like, “This former reality star needs another gig fast — apparently has no money.”

After that, everyone was so supportive of my brand deals — which is great. But yeah, I mean, it’s not as much as you would expect, I don’t think, for being on TV — but it wasn’t nothing. Obviously I needed money, RE: vibrator ads the month before! I’m counting down the days until I can take it off my page, and it’s coming up.

I feel like during the competitions, the stakes should be higher about what money is being offered, because otherwise people will just look out for their own interests. Anyway, just a pet peeve!

No, I agree. I think the bug challenge, we were getting $5,000 each round, and Chrishell and Dolores were like, “I can pay you this kind of money. Why would I stay here?”

As the show was airing, your videos started going viral, and I assume your podcast was getting more popular. What was that experience like as non-Bachelor Nation people were starting to recognize your brilliance?

It means so much. Even now, hearing it, I’m like, it just doesn’t feel real, and I don’t believe people, but I think I’ll get there. It was just so surreal. But for better or for worse, I try not to let it sink in because, as the Buddhists say, life is suffering, and that has been true for me. So I know suffering is just right around the corner.

With your podcast, how do you decide whether you’re going to have a guest or whether you’re going to do a monologue?

It’s by necessity — I don’t like having guests on. But it draws more of an audience, so I know I have to be business-minded sometimes, but each time I feel so desperate. I feel so L.A. sliding into Kacey Musgrave’s DMs, when I know she’s going to say no — so it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t push people. I’m not an interviewer. That’s why I like to do it by myself, because I think I can be most myself. 

No one helps you book guests, though, when you want one?

I’m so picky. I’m like Goldilocks. I want it to be very specific — which I cannot, in words, specify — but someone that I would actually kind of fuck with in real life. Someone who’s depressed or someone who’s a lesbian, or someone who will talk about their sex life or dating life, or just someone who’s like down to have fun: a pothead. Even this week, I’m trying to find a guest, and I’m like, “Who smokes a lot of weed? I just don’t know!” But I would like to have someone like that on my podcast, if you’re reading this.

How do you plan what you’re going to say in the ones that are just you?

In the beginning, I kind of tried to tell stories about my life — like, discovering more about what being gay means, what it means to me, how I felt like I was waking up in a sort of way and how the world works. And I think now there’s a lot of that in there too, but anything that I feel comfortable having a take on. I go into some medical takes.

Love those.

Thank you. I think it’s fun for the audience because it’s not something that people know, and it’s easy for me because it’s something I feel really confident about. I feel like YouTube is just such a landmark with how successful you are, and I get a lot of listens, but my demo, I don’t think, is watching as much.

That’s why you’re always begging people to watch.

Begging.

But I’m in the car, Gabby! What am I supposed to do?

The rare podcast I do listen to, I do it in the car. So what the fuck am I complaining about? It makes your drive better. I totally get it. And my listenership has skyrocketed, so thanks everyone who’s listening.

Do you rehearse, or do you just know what you’re going to talk about? Because it’s your cadence, really, that is so incredible.

Oh my God, thank you. I write down what I’m going to say before, and I make sure I have at least bullet points. I make sure I really understand everything to a point that I can kind of free flow. And then I think always the best and the funniest nuggets are off the cuff.

The things that you talk about — about the patriarchy and late capitalism — 

Fuck them! Ruining our lives!

— the medication you’re on, sex — and I love that you’ve also popularized “misandry.”

Yeah! Who did I learn that from? I don’t know. I learned it from an author; I was reading something. Anyways, whoever introduced me to that word, I’m sure, was like a woman author from the ‘60s who killed herself.

People appreciate you in a way that’s rare for reality, I think. I don’t feel like you’re a divisive presence like most people who get famous from reality TV are. It’s pure fun.

I feel really lucky. With everything, it’s like you can learn how to get attention and make a splash in a different way. You don’t have to be so divisive. But also, sometimes I wish I was messier! Sometimes I’m like, I do want to piss off people, but then I can’t handle it. 

I would wilt.

Oh my God, yes. Spiral for two days. Robby’s like, “What the fuck? Delete your social media.” I’m like, “I don’t know who I am! I need an Ativan!”

You’ve been so open about your mental health.

Lack thereof.

Is that something that helps you deal with it?

Yeah, definitely. I think it’s a catharsis, definitely. I’m reading something, which I don’t even want to say the name, because also I’m very anti-self-help. Like, once you go into the self-help rabbit hole, you are doomed. And I stand by that. But I can dabble in self-help. There is a double standard. So I’m learning that people like me, I’m like an internalizer, I’m a Capricorn. I’m very sensitive. They want to talk about their mental health problems. So I’m like, fuck, here I am. I can’t control it.

You were an ICU nurse during COVID. Do you or did you have PTSD?

Totally, yeah. I didn’t know really what PTSD was. I learned this via my self-help, CPTSD — complicated. I have nightmares every night, which my wife was like, “That’s PTSD.” My nightmares just recently stopped. But yeah, I get night sweats. I didn’t know. And a lot of them are with nursing.

You went from nursing to being on “The Bachelor” and then “The Bachelorette.” Do you feel like you were able to be yourself on those shows?

I feel like the demo or the audience for “The Bachelor” is not used to seeing anything new, so they’ll really kind of judge you. Well, one, I don’t think I had the opportunity to show my whole self. And two, I think there’s a mold you have to fit into. And three, I just wasn’t as confident. But behind the scenes, everybody, they knew me, I think, how I am now — but they just didn’t show it.

“The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” have not had the best track records with leads of color, and you’re Latina. Was there any racism directed toward you? 

I don’t think so outwardly, but actually I’ve made the mistake of searching my name on Reddit, and it was a lot of, “She’s not conventionally attractive” — which is whatever. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions. 

Did you feel those feelings as you were filming, or did you feel pressured to say stuff?

Like, talking about the men? No. I always say you can gaslight yourself. The environment is built. You only talk about your love interest, and it’s what’s top of mind. You don’t have any connection to outside society. You leave your sense of reality. You really are in a bubble. You think it’s the most important thing, so you can gaslight yourself into anything. So yeah, no, everything I said was me, and there is a format. “Do you love him?” “Sure! Of course I do.”

You’ve mentioned on “Long Winded” that you’re taking acting classes. How’s it going?

I hate being a student. I hate it. My acting coach is a freak and a half, but love him and he’s really good at acting. But I was never a theater kid. I was never introduced to that, so it’s hard for me. I got a lot of attention from “Traitors,” now I have a team representing me, and I’m getting some scripted inquiries. Teach me the basics.

With acting, what do you envision that to be for your life?

Things have kind of — not fallen into my lap. I work for them, but I think whatever makes sense. I would love to do a horror movie. I think it would be great if I could play someone ditzy and scream and have fun and have my tits in my chin, because I feel like they’re always sexed up, so I think that would be fun. But I don’t know. Just kind of see what comes. Obviously, mostly comedy or camp.

What about writing?

I don’t really know how to write TV or movies, but it’d be something that I’d be interested in just because I do like to write. But as far as something really imaginative, it would have to be based on my life. It’d have to kind of make sense, and I would need a lot of practice and confidence.

Stand up?

Never.

Never!

Never. Live crowds terrify me.

So no “Long Winded” live tour?

No. People keep begging, and I’m like, “Absolutely not!” And then they come back begging again. I’m like, “Maybe if the time is right and I feel comfortable,” but in the back of my head I’m like, “Never.”

I would imagine that the corner of the people who have expectations of you from “The Bachelorette” is getting smaller and smaller, maybe?

I think so. I’m grateful for anyone who gives a shit about me, even people who are like, “What happened to you?” Or, “What about your grandpa?” It’s like, well, thank God not everyone lives for their grandpa, and thank God my grandpa doesn’t give a fuck. He’s playing bridge. But kind of judgmental comments like that, I’ll click to see if they still follow me, and they do. So a follower is a follower. They’re liking some of the things they see.

On your TikTok, I see your fans from then who say, “I’m so proud of you.” 

Yes. Now there’s a pride that comes with being an OG fan, and I agree. I put them through hell almost! And to see that they’re still sticking around and proud of me means the world. Because it has been a real evolution, which sometimes I’m like, “Oh, I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.” But I think they really have gotten to know me over time, and hopefully I can continue to evolve.

You and Robby have been very out about your wedding — you got married in Las Vegas during the fires. Were you planning on doing it anyway?

We weren’t, actually. The fires, we just were such a team, and it was like the world was ending and everything was so crazy. I was just like, what if the industry burns down? We were scared about our jobs, and then we genuinely thought of each other, we just want to be with each other forever through a natural disaster. 

We planned the whole thing in two days, and I was like, “Were you going to propose? Did you have a plan?” Because she showed me rings that she was designing with a jeweler and all this stuff, and she was like, “Yeah, I was going to do it in six months.” I’m like, “OK, good for me to know!” 

Marriage has been the best thing ever. But as you know, my first lesbian relationship, it was my first long-term serious relationship in a while, if not ever. But then it just felt right. So I’m kind of glad it happened spontaneously, and now I just feel more committed than ever.

Who from “The Traitors” have you stayed friends with?

I’m still friends with Nikki and Chrishell. Bob the Drag Queen. Boston Rob is such a real one. He was like in my DMs the other day. He’s like, “When’s our man-hating meeting? I hope we’re invited.” I’m like, “They’re quarterly, and you’ll be keeping minutes.” So he reaches out to me. Yes, he’s such a real one. Carolyn: We keep in contact maybe the most. Dylan. 

So kind of a lot of people. I’m surprised, for being normally antisocial, so apologies if I’m not texting back. I love you! Thinking of you!

This interview has been edited and condensed.