A file photo of a worried woman

Dear GhanaWeb,

I am a 24-year-old woman currently in my second year at the university (Level 200).

Last semester, I tested positive to HIV. I honestly don’t know exactly how it happened or who it is from, but deep down, I know it’s linked to the lifestyle I adopted after falling into the wrong company.

Somewhere along the line, I lost my way. I wanted to feel like I had "levelled up", to look good, own flashy things, and live like the girls I saw around me.
I began sleeping with men for money and gifts.

At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal, I thought I was just doing what I needed to do to keep up. But now, it feels like I’ve lost everything.

Testing positive has been a huge wake-up call. I’ve also had to treat a serious case of gonorrhoea, and through it all, I feel like I’ve slowly come back to my senses.

I now understand that none of those material things were worth what I’ve lost, my peace, my health, and the future I once dreamed of.

Looking back, my parents weren’t giving me everything I wanted, but they made sure my needs were met. I could have lived simply, focused on my books, and continued being the responsible girl I was in SHS.

I came to university with strong grades six A’s and two B’s in WASSCE, but now my GPA is terrible, and I’m on the verge of deferring my course.

I am deeply disappointed in myself. I feel ashamed and broken. Everyone says HIV isn’t the end of life, but right now, it feels like the end for me.

I don’t know how to face my parents. I can’t even imagine telling my mother, who I’ve always trusted. I cry constantly. The guilt and regret are eating me up inside.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just disappear, to give up entirely. I know I need help, but I’m afraid.

I was advised to talk to someone, but I don’t trust anyone around me enough to open up.

Still, something in me wants to live, to recover, to rebuild, if it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I’m reaching out because I don’t know what else to do. I want a normal life again. I want to forgive myself. I want to believe that it’s not too late.

Please, I need help.

Also, watch an exclusive interview with Ayisi on the latest edition of Talkertainment below:

FG/EB