The Portland Trail Blazers gave the Sacramento Kings on Thursday night exactly the kind of effort pundits and faithful fans feared would typify their season. Like a clueless dad at the grocery store the Blazers were listless, appeared confused, and covered a lot of ground with absolutely zero effect. They might as well have hung a sign saying, “Nobody will cook here tonight.” And indeed, nobody did. Except for Kings guard Zach LaVine, who had 20 points in the first half on his way to a game-high 29. Domantas Sabonis added 22 points and 19 rebounds. Together they brought Sacramento a convincing win, 128-107.

Here are some of the factors that influenced the outcome, such as it was.

Portland’s interior defense was, to speak charitably, horrible. Like “take a stuffed Voodoo Donut, inject it with hot pickle juice, douse it with drain cleaner, and set it on fire” horrible. If you put it in my cats’ bowl, they would stare at it in disdain and refuse to eat it. If you gave it to our dogs, they would wolf it down and immediately puke it back on the lawn, which would then die in a 16-foot radius.

All night Sacramento drivers looked like semi-trucks being stopped by traffic cones. The wind of their passing was enough to blow over Portland’s “defenders”. Not even Donovan Clingan could stop the onslaught.

The Kings ended up with 60 points in the paint.

Making things even more exciting, the Blazers played transition defense with all the alacrity of drunken sloths on a 100-degree day at the zoo. The Kings blew by them for 18 fast break points—a whole game’s worth and more—in the first half. Sacramento would finish with 24, but they hardly needed more after gorging themselves in the first two periods.

Unsurprisingly given the above, the Kings shot a season-high 64.9% from the field. They spent the first three periods of the game hitting more than 2 out of every 3 shots they took. Like Austin Reaves and Luguentz Dort on draft day...no cap.

The Blazers tried to make up for the above by shooting three-pointers like crazy, meeting Sacramento’s scoring with more scoring. Unfortunately Portland shot 16-50, 32.0% from the arc. And that percentage rose late in the game. Instead of meeting scoring with scoring, they met scoring with clanking and swearing. That’d be OK in King Arthur’s favorite tavern, not so much in an NBA game.

The lasting impression from Portland’s performance was one of resignation. Whatever was going on out there, it didn’t resemble basketball much. If the Blazers aren’t giving up on the season, they better show something against the New York Knicks on Sunday. Otherwise this could go south real fast.

Boxscore

The Blazers face the Knicks on Sunday at 3:00 PM, Pacific.