I have a crystal clear memory of the first time I positioned my daughter in front of the television. My maternity leave had just ended, so she must have been 7 months old. I was trying to work from home and care for her, and it was not working. So I did the only thing that I hadn’t tried to distract her, while I got a few minutes of work done: I turned on the Disney short Piper, and let the moving images captivate her attention.

The mom guilt hit me like a tsunami, and pretty soon after, we hired a babysitter to help me out at home. But that period in my life immediately resurfaced when I read a recent Reddit post by the mom of a 15-week old baby, who reluctantly let her kid watch Ms. Rachel for more than an hour. 

In the post, she writes, “Part of me feels so guilty, and the other part isn’t sorry at all.” She used the time to clean her house and eat a full meal. And guess what? Afterward, she felt “better now that the house is cleaner and my belly is full.”

She goes on to write that since her baby was born, she has been dealing with “severe postpartum anxiety,” and just needed a space to vent because “the mom guilt is real.” 

I feel you there, mama. 

The priority should of course be her mental and physical health, and yet doubt creeps into her mind when she reads comments from other parents scolding her because, as she writes, “the mess can wait, you can’t get this time back.” 

The problem with this supposedly well-meaning advice is that it insists that parents pour every ounce of energy and attention into their children—moms in particular are supposed to be self-sacrificing even if it means they go hungry and live in a cluttered house. 

These days, this advice feels outdated, even damaging. Sure, experts do advise that kids avoid screens until at least the age of 2, so parents shouldn’t necessarily make a habit out of letting their young kids watch TV. But there’s a flipside to that: If a clean house makes a new parent feel sane and clear-headed, then they should be able to take an hour to make the space where they are spending every day with their baby feel comfortable. 

Mom guilt (or guilt directed at any parent) makes us all feel like no matter what we do—choosing to do chores while the kids watch TV or playing with the kids while the mess piles up—it's never the right choice. We overexert ourselves trying to meet impossible standards, and it leaves many parents burnt out, cranky, and disconnected from their families. 

That's why I couldn’t possibly find fault in a mom for choosing to prioritize herself for one day, so she can be a better caretaker for her baby in the future. For the most part, commenters on her post agreed. As one put it, “You can’t pour from an empty cup, cleaning and eating was absolutely necessary. Your baby will absolutely be ok.”

 Another commenter noted that moms in particular are judged no matter what they do. 

“Whether it’s formula v breast milk, screen time v no screen time, what toys you use, what diapers you use…At the end of the day, we’re all out here trying to do our best and your best will always be good enough for your baby!” they wrote. 

So if it comes down to it, parents, try to let go of the guilt you feel when you choose to nourish yourself, even if it means the kids get a little screen time. 

As one person on Reddit put it, “Your girl isn’t going to be any worse or better off for watching 'Ms. Rachel', but she will be better off by having a healthy parent and home.”