What does your inner voice sound like? Jeannie Mai’s is chaotic given that she grew up in a house full of people, elders and kids, speaking different languages and dialects. “When my parents were stable in their jobs, they decided to sponsor 10 family members from Vietnam,” says Jeannie, who co-hosts the new game show Raid the Cage on CBS. “I was developing my voice as a television host without even knowing it by constantly making sure everybody felt seen in our home.”

And while that has gifted her with the ability to thrive under pressure, it’s not necessarily the vibration she wants to exude as a mom. “I don’t want to carry that over to Monaco,” she says of her 3-year-old, whom she shares with ex-husband, rapper Jeezy. “I want her to be surrounded by family and understand the village that it takes to raise her, but I want to give her inner calm.”

Culture is the most fundamental part of who we are today. I grew up very Vietnamese-forward. Before I knew I was American, I knew what it took for my parents to escape communism and come here as refugees. Monaco is Vietnamese and Black, and that means it’s my job to help her understand where we are now and how we got here. She also spends time with her father to make sure she understands her Black side of the family.

I am so grateful that I took that risk and trusted myself to say, “Jeannie, don't worry about the kind of childhood you had. You are capable of raising a daughter that can experience a beautiful world of humanity, flaws, mishaps, and resilience.” The fact that I have this little being that looks up to me and trusts me so much means I need to trust myself.

I don't have a nanny. My family helps, but I want to try to do it as long as I can without a nanny. And no shade to any moms that have nannies. I just want to know how she is every moment of her life. I don't want a picture from my nanny. I don’t want to hear it from another party. I want to be there and see it all because I am reliving my childhood through her.

My inner child is right here with me. She is a little girl who went through so much back then that she needs to know that I’m taking care of her now. She doesn't need to act out, she doesn't need to react, she doesn't need to defend. She needs to sit back and enjoy the life that I've created for her today. I speak to her every day in the way that I show up for myself, the way that I treat myself, the way that I love myself, the way that I take care of myself.

Me time means making sure that my life isn't engulfed by Monaco. This year, I'm celebrating all the things. I want to go out to dinner with my girlfriends and not talk about our kids. I want to have a party where we scream at the most vivacious ‘90s R&B and hip-hop songs. I want to travel the world. This is going to be that year of independence.

I often talk about the importance of fostering independence in our kids by teaching them responsibility and giving them agency. But hearing Jeannie talk about her goals for this year, I am reminded that parents, including yours truly, can also benefit from having their own hobbies and social lives outside of our children. It takes intentionality to reclaim that personal time. But think of it as a way to offset stress and stay reenergized for all those caregiving responsibilities you prioritize every day.  

Until next time,

Grace

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