Hi Chris,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a long time. I love him and I enjoy our dates. But something’s not quite right. There’s nothing obvious like mistrust or arguments, but I sense there’s trouble ahead. Why do I feel this way?

Not Right

Hi, Not Right!

Maybe you feel this way because you don’t see your relationship going anywhere.

Maybe you have different ideas about the future. Maybe one of you wants to start a family within the next year or two, while the other doesn’t. No matter how well you get on, your relationship will struggle if your goals don’t align.

Maybe you don’t have good sexual chemistry. Even though you love him, your sex life isn’t great. Good sex is the glue that holds a marriage together, so that really matters. It helps you understand each other and feel good about yourselves, and makes dealing with life’s inevitable stresses easier. Don’t try to manage without it.

Or maybe the relationship has become one-sided. Maybe one of you is giving far more to the relationship than the other, whether that’s financially or emotionally.

Or maybe you’ve started to feel you can’t manage without him? Of course, you want him to be part of your life. But there’s a fine line between ‘wanting’ and ‘needing’.

If your need becomes too strong, he’ll start to feel suffocated, which will make you insecure. Feelings like that eventually become unbearable. It’s best to leave and work on yourself, because you must be self-sufficient if you’re to have a successful relationship.

Perhaps you two just can’t compromise. If there’s no give and take, every issue will put another small dent in the relationship.

Sooner or later, you’ll realise that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Not just in the long term, but in your day-to-day life too. Your relationship is no longer supportive and is no longer helping you to grow. In fact, it might even be making everyday life worse. This basically means that you two are just not right for each other. And you can’t fix that with love.

All the best,

Chris