Your teen’s been spending a lot of time checking (and smiling at!) their phone. They’re getting a little more dressed up than usual for weekend plans. Oh, and they’ve started casually but constantly referencing a new person they’ve been talking to—but you have a gut feeling that this person isn’t just a new friend.

All of these little signs seem to point to the same conclusion: Your child is in a burgeoning relationship. So, when they come to you and describe this person as their situationship, you immediately draw a blank. Are they in a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or some kind of nebulous, leading-up-to-a-relationship stage? Is this just a more relaxed way to describe a relationship that is, for all intents and purposes, an exclusive and loving one? 

Amidst all these questions, parents might also be asking themselves if they should be worried about their kid’s relationship status. Ahead, psychologists who work with adolescents unpack everything to know about this increasingly common type of relationship, and offer their top tips on supporting your kid as they navigate this potentially sticky situation—er, situationship.

Put simply, a situationship is “an emotional, romantic, or sexual relationship that doesn’t have a label because it’s not a committed or formal relationship,” says Barbara Greenberg, PhD, a teen and family psychologist in Connecticut.

Someone in a situationship might say things like “we’re hanging out” or “we’re talking,” but not refer to the other person as their girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. These relationships can run the gamut from flirty friendships to relationships that involve dates and romantic feelings, but don’t have any kind of actual label, or pressure to commit—and sometimes might not be monogamous either, which could be concerning for parents of teens who are exploring their sexuality. 

These kinds of relationships are much more common than “official” ones among high school students, says 17-year-old James (not his real name), adding that many people his age don’t seem to feel ready for more commitment. 

While people’s definitions of situationships may vary, he believes they typically start out the way any other relationship would—with a “talking stage,” (the period when to people get to know each other before deciding to officially date) or a lot of casual texting and flirting—but then transition into a more vague, unlabeled dynamic where the two people hang out, text, and hook up without discussing what the relationship means to either of them. 

In some cases, a situationship can eventually lead to an official relationship, says Greenberg—but in many instances, it can also lead to pain, heartbreak, or confusion.

Situationships can be painful, but if your teen tells you that they’re in one, don’t panic. First of all, you should feel honored that your child is comfortable sharing the details of their love life with you—especially if they’re in a confusing or unofficial dating dynamic, says Gilly Kahn, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Georgia.

That said, it’s natural to feel worried that your kid is headed for heartbreak, or is potentially engaging in unsafe sex. Here’s how experts recommend you handle your concerns—and how to support your teenager while they’re in this all-too-common relationship dynamic.

A situationship isn’t an inherently unhealthy dynamic, but it should raise a few alarm bells, according to Greenberg. 

“When you’re in a relationship like that, there’s a lot of anxiety and uncertainty,” she says. “Your child might want more, or there might be an imbalance [of feelings].”

For instance, your teen might go to a party and feel disappointed when their situationship spends the whole night talking to someone else—meanwhile, the other person isn’t technically neglecting them, since they haven’t set any rules or expectations for the relationship. 

Or maybe, your child starts overanalyzing their situationship’s behavior on social media: While they’d typically feel betrayed if their boyfriend or girlfriend left flirty comments on someone else’s Instagram posts, they might worry they’re overreacting here, since they’re not in an exclusive relationship.

But before worrying about your kid’s emotions or wellbeing, try to suss out how they feel about their situationship first—which means broaching a potentially awkward conversation.

Are they comfortable with where things stand between them and the other person? Do they even want a more official relationship with this person? Are they only agreeing to this situation because they peer pressure to go along with it?

“Situationship is a confusing word, so I’d recommend parents ask their teen what that means to them, what the arrangement actually is with this other person, and how they feel from it,” says Kahn.

Unless you have reason to believe your child is unsafe, both Greenberg and Kahn recommend taking a backseat and letting their situationship play out. 

“Teens—and this is true of a lot of people, in general—don’t like to be talked at. They want to feel like they’re in control of their lives,” says Kahn.

But what if you’re really worried that your kid is giving more than they’re getting, or this other person is hurting their feelings or damaging their self-esteem? Rather than lecturing, Kahn recommends guiding them to draw their own conclusions. 

“You can ask questions like, ‘How much [is the other person] putting into the relationship? Is it equal? How does it make you feel? Have you tried talking to them about it?’” says Kahn. These prompts might help them realize what they want and deserve out of a romantic relationship. 

If your teen is somewhat new to dating, they might struggle to answer some of these questions or even envision the kind of relationship they want. In this scenario, Kahn recommends asking your kid about their closest, most loyal friends. 

“You can say, ‘Who’s your best friend, and what do you appreciate about that relationship?’” she suggests. 

Maybe they feel like their truest self around their friend, or they love that they can lean on them when they have a bad day. Then, you can bring this back to their situationship: “You can say, ‘Well, do you feel that way in this relationship, too?’” says Kahn.

The most important thing you can do is listen non-judgmentally, says Greenberg. After all, it’s possible that your teen already feels insecure and anxious about their unlabeled relationship, and any kind of panicked or concerned response might just make them feel worse. 

“I don’t think you should be warning your kid about the [possible negative] outcome, because I think the kids know that,” Greenberg says.

When in doubt, or when your teen is hurt, Greenberg has a golden rule: “Always ask your kids, ‘Do you want my input, do you want my tissues, or do you want me to just listen?’”

That might be easier said than done for parents who long to make sure their kids avoid any scenario that might cause them hurt. But creating an open, positive line of communication is also invaluable, adds Kahn.

If you show your teen that you’re curious about their life and you’re not going to judge or condescend to them, they’re more likely to keep coming to you with updates about their situationship—or any future relationships, too.

So if your teen tells them they're in a situationship, try not to look too alarmed. Instead, approach the information with curiosity and an open mind, and be ready to talk out your teen’s relationship problems with you—not just this one time, but throughout your whole life, if you’re lucky.