I am just headlining this piece with Gov. Alia not because I feel he is directly to blame or that he can do anything about the “genocide” going on in his state, but to have something or someone to anchor the story with.

The bloodletting this time in Benue State has reached a point where we just have to stop at nothing to bring an end to the matter.

Thankfully, the president has taken a detour and has landed in the epicentre of the carnage – even though I have heard that due to flood and other extraneous reasons, he could not reach the main point of the massacre – which is a brilliant departure from his predecessor who will tell Nigerians “I am not aware.”

But seriously, what we need is much more than just a visit and a homily – find land for ranching as solutions. The Tor Tiv said very boldly and clearly that this was much more than a fight for land with the way the whole thing is being orchestrated. Clips of babies burnt alive, communities ravaged and destroyed, hundreds being killed in the most heinous manner, mbok, this can never be a communal clash. This is an attack on Nigeria by its enemies who can be both internal and external.

Mr. President has to deploy strong-arm tactics to end this and quickly too. It is just such a very sad and traumatic story.   

This matter happened almost a week ago but it is still hugging the limelight. “Edgar, I am strenuously waiting for your comments on this wahala”, this was my bosom AkwaIbom buddy, UdemeEtokoyen on the seeming imbroglio between the famous airline Air Peace and distinguished Senator Adams Oshiomhole.

Since my driver used my old model car to hit an expensive Benz SUV on the Ikoyi Bridge, saddling me with a bill in excess of N3 million, I have become calm and more circumspect. I now look for trouble very strategically before I add to my problems.

So, when Air Peace sent out their cowardly press release on the matter, I ignored it. A whole international company dey fear to mention name. Person disrupt your operations according to you, block road, stop people from flying and generally behave very badly like a sailor with STD and you cannot name him in your press release?

So me that I am inside Ladipo Market, begging for cheap spare parts will now go and be fighting a fight that the people the thing concern do not have the liver to fight.

Thankfully, Senator Oshiomhole put them out of their misery. According to a report filled by a national newspaper, the senator was reported to have given his side of the story. His narration was quite colourful.

From black marketing to shoddy check-in procedures and outright theft by the airline staff, the senator in that report painted an airline that seemed to be run by bandits.

Now we have the two sides and we can better look at the situation and form a well-rehearsed position.

So, what is my verdict? The airline get “him own.” Over the years, this airline has been notorious for its very subpar arrangements. They are world leaders in delays, postponing and cancelling flights. In fact, you only travel on Air Peace on Monday if you plan to get to your destination on Wednesday, and in between all of that you get different shades of gray. It is always a meteoric experience flying that “thing” because you hardly find peace.

As for the elder statesman, nothing should make you climb the counter and spit on people in the name of seeking justice. Only God knows what was annoying you.

We have seen the video and you were in your face cap, with a cheap shirt and “okrika” khaki pants. The video did not have date and timing so that could be you speaking in your village meeting but the presence of Air Peace staff in uniform and you standing on “that thing that we used to put our luggage when checking in” confirms that, that was you “disrupting” their operations

My elder, if NLC President is still “hungrying” you, you should kindly go back, otherwise, in your shoes with the power and access you have, I would have been more elegant in addressing the issue.  In your shoes, I would have called the President, called the Chief of Air Staff and in front of them, ordered the flogging of Allen Onyema so that we can finally know that you are the only Senator in Nigeria.

Yes, it is at that point that they would have known that a sitting senator, ex-governor and husband of a very fine woman missed his flight. Kai, make una leave me o. Nigeria is really flogging me right now.

My editor doesn’t like to do two commentaries on one story in a column but this one is of national importance. You see this man they call Allen Onyema, na real Beetle. You also know that saying that you cannot crush the beetle. This na “babanla” beetle. He has defied all branding principles, destroyed all goodwill but is still there flying.

Daily, his airline is annoying people, irritating people, leaving people stranded, offering some of the most dramatic services but still, he remains flying.

I think they should change their logo and replace it with the beetle and give themselves a new pay-off line that says – this beetle no go die.

I swear, branding and business professors will be scratching their heads now.  It’s as if this airline has patented woeful service but still passengers flock to the place like they have no other choice.

This bobo has to be studied. The other day, I saw his manager on air stoutly defending their position on this Oshiomhole saga but I have never seen them explain why a one-hour journey used to stretch to two days; why you get a boarding pass and don’t get a seat on board, and why you will be flying to Akure and suddenly find yourself in Ilorin.

This bobo has to go and either write a book or sha go and lecture in a business school. This is what they call alternative business walahi.

Kashim Shettima: Lonely at the Moment

Seeing him on TV the other day, I felt pity. The whole nation knows that his job is shaky. Well, he has had a very limp tenure with nothing really colourful or dramatic about his reign. This is the irony of it all- if he does an Atiku to Obasanjo they will say he is disloyal. This one that he has been very docile and quiet, being a good party man and perfect second in command, they are treating him anyhow and embarrassing him up and down with these endorsements of Tinubu without him.

I even heard that in the APC meeting in his region, they stood up to endorse Tinubu without mentioning his name. Maybe he should start considering a reverse decamping to PDP and see if those ones will endorse him. Kai, that will be the day.

But seriously, KashimShettima is the sitting Vice President. If the party doesn’t want him on the ballot for 2027, they should just call him into a room like Nicholas called me when he sacked me, and tell him straight to his face instead of all this “Monkey in a Snake” shadow dance that we are seeing. Thank you.

Baba has scattered everywhere o. They say he has brought in over 4,000 CNG trucks for the distribution of petroleum products direct to filling stations, thereby cutting off middlemen.

This is mad, I swear. They say he did the same with cement and is looking at replicating it in petrol and other businesses. This is more than a game changer; this is total disruption and a forced change in narrative.

Some have said that this would lead to monopoly while others have hailed it, but whatever is the case, its effect on supply and pricing can only be the best for the ordinary man on the street who have really suffered as a result of the massive price fluctuations of fuel.

Mbok, this Alikosef, why is this man like this o. The baba is not just looking left or right, he is just focused on his objectives, whatever they are and by implication, putting his money where his mouth is, unlike the audio billionaires we have everywhere who go to loud parties and shout “what is money?”

This is money and it is money that is working for the people. Well done sir

The fear of juju will make me write very calmly but truth be told madam, that J.K Randle Museum is gone. The multibillion naira edifice which houses some of the most valuable artefacts befitting the rich Yoruba culture has gone to the dogs. Overgrown with weeds, the swimming pool filled with algae, the escalators not working and its general appearance looking sad and disheveled.

The other day, I went there and saw people eating and snacking right beside extremely valuable artefacts. No tour guides with visitors left to their own devices, touching and grabbing the artefacts.

Madam Commissioner, I think it’s time to step in and “rescue” the place. A total overhaul of its infrastructure and its service offering is needed very urgently. Already Nigerians have started asking questions about the museum on social media and as such, urgent attention must now be given to it.

Mbok, nobody should come and chase me o. I am just crying out as a concerned stakeholder. Thank you.

This one is hard o. I don’t know what to even call it. But wait let me give you guys the gist. So, it has been reported that the late billionaire Chief Iwuanyanwu in his will left so many things for his young wife but she can only continue to have those things if she does not remarry.

I also heard that the late American basketball player Kobe Bryant did the same thing with his wife.

Now, I have not totally wrapped my head around this phenomenon and if I know Nigerian men very well, the trend will catch on.

Why would someone put that kind of condition in his will when he is dead and gone and will certainly no longer have the capacity to do anything as a skeleton? But then again, who will be happy in his grave seeing a “boy” not only climb his mountain very recklessly but also seeing him lounging in his assets that he has worked so hard to acquire in his lifetime?

For me, my first reaction is that it is a very nonsensical move as it smacks of immortal and morbid jealousy. On the other hand, when you remember the moans and the screams that you get to hear and then you imagine another man in your bed, you will forget that you are six feet under and will now do something about it.

So, the question I want to ask my fellow brothers, does this move make sense? Mbok, send me your answers using my phone number at the top of the page because your answers may just form my next stage play that would be titled ‘Halt, Don’t Go There.’ Lol.

Mummy just annoyed my big brother, Simon Kolawole, the other day and that is why I captioned this piece the Simon Templar effect.

Mummy, according to Kolawole, was quoted as to have made some statements regarding the integrity of her late husband, the hugely unpopular former Head of State, General SaniAbacha, the other day.

These statements really annoyed Chief Kolawole who forgot his respect for old women and unleashed on mummy, daddy, pikins and associates. His column last Sunday was a perfect read in research-based journalism. I really enjoyed it o as he quoted naira for naira, dollar for dollar that was “stolen” from us by this man, his family and associates, according to reports.

Simon really threw the books at mama and her family, forgetting that in every mummy’s eyes, their children are always saints.

As far as Mummy Abacha was concerned, her hubby was a victim and her family have paid the ultimate price for their sacrifice, but Simon will hear none of that and unleashed in the most brilliant piece ever written on the Abacha tragedy invectives that would make those ones run back to their caves in shame.

My question for Simon and the rest of us is very simple – have we changed? Have we learnt a lesson? Maybe in another brilliant piece Simon should try to give us answers.

Mr. Rone, who is my very good friend, is another Dangote in the making. When I mean Dangote, I do not mean in the same vein as the moniker – the richest black man in the world – but in the vein as a disruptive businessman whose objective is to redirect our lives.

Julius is promoting the giant floating gas LPG project. The project which has been valued in excess of $1.5 billion will, when completed in the next five years as estimated, redraw the economic and financial landscape of not only the country but the continent.

In a recent visit to the new management of NNPCL, the GMD was reported to have marvelled at the audacity of the vision. Even me weysiddon here is also marvelling. Imagine a Nigerian pumping in $100 million of personal funds into a project with over 10 years gestation period? In this country that is shaking like this?

The man has mind o and it is this his confidence that has brought the NNPCL to take up about 20% of the stake and also the Delta State Government through its investment arm is also holding another 3% stake.

The other day, I went to see Julius at the Signature Suite to see if he has two heads because the way the man is thinking and moving ehn, one can only imagine. That we need these kinds of entrepreneurs in the country cannot be overemphasised I tell you and this is why I am heaping a lot of praises on him because e no easy, as my friends P-Square used to say before their fight. Well done my brother.

The bees and the rodents came out in their zillions to sting not only my brother Patrick Doyle but also my humble self.

By the bees and rodents, I mean those “things” who throng the comment sections of social media. I call them “tambolo” which is what we used to call those annoying soldier ants that will just sting you for no reason.

As usual, the rodents came out in thousands  to sting, and very meaninglessly, the well-respected and gifted gentleman Doyle whose only sin was to come on my podcast to answer questions.

To trigger him, I had mentioned that his ex-wife, Ireti, was more popular than him and in response, he reeled out his body of works and ended it by saying that he had been a “superstar since the age of 16”

That is all o. Come and see N100 data warriors on the prowl. They abused him finish. They didn’t spare me o. No name that they didn’t call me – brainless, stupid and all that. You see why Pastor Adefarasindey carry stun gun around?

If I had a stun gun, I would jump into that internet, wound down my window and stun all of them.

The abuse can pain me as I have very thin skin for insult. You know people like us who can yab, we cannot take yabis o.

Please, any of these bubble-headed mongols who are ready, should come out and let’s fight once and for all instead of  abusing me every time on social media. The thing is paining me too much. If I catch one personehnnnnnnn.

It was Babatunde Fashola (SAN), the former Governor of Lagos State who when he was being screened as minister made the statement.

That statement can best be described as what Oba SaheedElegushi has gone through in recent times.

I had the rare privilege of visiting Oba of Elegushi in his Kingdom the other day.

I had gone with my big brother, Gabriel Ukpe, on a private visit and one thing led to the other. You know me na, I cannot let an opportunity pass me by. So, we all have heard about the goings on within the power vortex of Lagos politics and the role or no role of the well liked Oba in it, all culminating in his going to meet the president with his “brother” king on a peace mission.

I was curious to get the insider gist. So immediately after the courtesies and the greetings, I attacked: Kabiyesiooo, may you live long, may your throne not be scattered and may your kingdom continue to flourish. OyaKabiyesi, give me the gist, wetin really happen?

Kabiyesi removed his glasses and wiped his handsome face and said, “Duke, na here I sidonooo…” By the time he finished with the gist, I did not know whether to pity him, hug him or say well done. Kabiyesi spoke in strict confidence and as such, I cannot divulge anything that I was told before the man will whistle and I will turn to tadpole.

But let me just say that after listening to him, I am very very sure that that Fashola statement was very apt in describing his situation because his loyalty was really tried at all levels. Kai, it is really true when they say unease is the head that wears the crown. Pele Kabiyesiooo.