The summer holiday is right around the corner now. Eight long weeks (if you have school-aged children), and maybe a little less if your children are still in daycare, but still – I think many of us feel that usual sense of mild panic when we think about how we are going to fill these weeks with things for our kids to do.

Sound familiar?

In a steep departure from what childhood summers looked like when most of us were kids in the 80s and 90s, parents these days are under the impression that they have to make sure every moment of their child’s day – and, indeed, summer- is filled with fun and educational activities. Or, at the very least, any activity. Because God forbid children should ever be left feeling bored.

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Summer camps have become big business for those running them, and for parents, an easy, if very expensive, way to make sure our kids are kept busy during the summer break. In fact, keeping kids busy, with activities lined up from the moment they open their eyes until bedtime rolls around, seems to have almost become something to aspire to for parents in Ireland.

But would it be so bad if we bucked that trend? If we, instead of making sure our kids were busy and entertained at all times, just sometimes let them have a day – or several days – with no activities planned? Days when they were allowed to have time to be bored.

No, boredom isn’t bad

I mean, whatever happened to good old-fashioned boredom? Growing up, I remember feeling bored many times. I have images of it in my head, my younger sister and I, hanging out of our poor mum, who was probably trying to have a conversation with a friend, or hang up laundry, and whining about how bored we were.

However, after she inevitably told us to scamper off and go find something to do, we always did. Always. That is the thing about boredom, it is a great way to ensure kids use their imagination and literally come up with things to do.

These days, however, in a much more digital and fast-paced world, kids seem to lack the capacity to cope with being bored. And as parents, we feed into this by providing non-stop fun, activities and entertainment. As we are led to believe we should these days.

Back-to-back summer camps and action-packed weekends are not bad things per se, but it also means that our kids are losing out when it comes to learning the lesson that boredom is actually not to be feared and avoided.

Being able to be not entertained and learning to just switch off are good skills, and things we should be passing on to our (often overstimulated) kids.

And this micromanaging style of parenting, and constant need to entertain kids to the extent where they can no longer entertain themselves, is worrying experts. Free play – the kind that children come up with when left to themselves- has more or less disappeared today, where parents take over and micromanage and schedule children’s playtime to a much larger degree.

And this is bad news, if experts are to be believed. Sergio Pellis, Ph.D., an expert on the neuroscience of play recently noted that free play actually changes the structure of the developing brain, strengthening the connections of the neurons (nerve cells) in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain considered to be the executive control centre responsible for solving problems, making plans and regulating emotions.

‘Boredom is “normal, natural and healthy’

The fear of kids being bored is something that affects parents all across the industrialised world, it seems. A study cited in a 2018 New York Times article that lamented the relentlessness of modern parenting found that regardless of education, income or race, parents believed that children who are bored should be enrolled in extracurricular activities.

Yes, these days, it’s almost as if there’s a stigma attached to boredom, and as parents, we need to shield our kids from it, instead of embracing it as the gift it really is.

‘Rushing children around and filling every spare moment of their lives with ‘interesting’ activities doesn’t teach them how to manage stress, Georgine Manning, a psychotherapist and director of Wellbeing for Kids in Australia, told the Sydney Morning Herald.

‘It just creates stressed-out kids.’

And speaking to the New York Times, Erin Westgate, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Florida, agrees.

‘Boredom is “normal, natural and healthy,” Dr. Westgate, whose research focuses on boredom, explains, and adds that to children, boredom can offer a valuable learning opportunity, spurring creativity and problem solving and motivating children to seek out activities that feel meaningful to them.

‘Guarding kids from ever feeling bored is misguided in the same way that guarding kids from ever feeling sad, or ever feeling frustrated, or ever feeling angry is misguided,’ she said.

And so instead of fearing your children being bored, Dr Westgate says, here is why we should embrace it instead:

Boredom is an emotion, said Dr Westgate, who likened it to an indicator light on a car’s dashboard.

‘Boredom is telling you that what you’re doing right now isn’t working.’ Usually, that means the task you are doing is too easy or too difficult, she said, or that it lacks meaning.

‘Kids will often say “I’m bored” when they are lonely, or want attention,’ Katie Hurley, who holds a doctorate in social work and is the author of “The Happy Kid Handbook,” tells the New York Times.

‘So it can help to ask if they are looking for comfort or companionship.’

Boredom offers children an opportunity to experiment with the kinds of pursuits that feel fulfilling and interesting to them, Dr Westgate said.

‘For example, if you let your kids loose in the backyard, they may feel bored initially,’ she said.

‘But they can learn to prevent that feeling, or resolve it, by finding activities that feel meaningful to them, whether that’s counting bugs, playing with a ball or drawing with sidewalk chalk. If parents don’t allow for free, imaginative play, children may never discover their innate love of nature, sports or art, or even the pleasure they can find in simply relaxing or playing.’

Parents sometimes fear boredom can end up wrecking havoc around the house, Dr Hurley said.

‘But free time carves out room for discovery.’ The expert recommends looking at your child’s weekly schedule and asking: ‘Is there something we can take away, and just call it ‘quiet downtime’?’

If you feel like your kids need a little nudge when coming up with things to do, Dr Westgate says parents could remind their children of things they are interested in or care about.

‘It’s the difference between leaving the child in a room with absolutely nothing to do versus bringing them into a room that you know has books and puzzles, things that would be meaningful to your kid, and that would be a good fit for them.’

Dr. Hurley said that kids aged five and under need a specific menu of “boredom busters,” or questions like: “Do you want to play with Legos? Do you want to play with Play-Doh? Do you want to go outside?”

‘Parents often feel pressure to get down on the floor and play with young children every time the children are feeling bored, she said.

‘But that can keep children from learning how capable they are of stepping into their imaginations.’

With slightly older children, Dr Hurley said she might say something like, “Take a walk around the house and come up with three ideas, and get back to me.”

‘Once kids shift from a state of boredom to positive action, it opens up creativity, problem solving and all kinds of academic learning skills,’ she finishes.